Disappointed in parents

Hugs. I feel you during my 1st pregnancy at first.. it would be their first grandchild too. I had to live with my parents bcus my hse was not ready then. My parents even smoke around me because they kept forgetting i was pregnant.. when i cleaned and sterilised the whole house for arrival of bby, they didnt help me. They didnt ask abt my check ups or anything either. You see bcus im the youngest, it has been awhile my parents been ard babies or pregnant. My inlaws were busy with my SIL who was also expecting and would be giving birth before me, that is considered their 1st grandchild.. i felt v unsupported from both sides. Thankfully, my hubs was sweet and when i shared my woes with him he helped alot. And when bby finally came out.. my parents changed the most. It took some time but they changed. They only smoked in their rooms (it was still their hse after all), subsequently they quit. They helped me with bby when i need rest.. they brought her on walks. Now 1st one is almost 5 and they gimme weekends off sometimes as they bring her out. Im expecting my 2nd one and they come over to help. So things do change. Maybe they need to really see bby to feel it ♥️ even new mothers take time to develop bond with their newborn so many others need time too.. In the mean time, focus on yourself and rest as much as u can!

I feel you. My parents in law did not ask anything about me or my baby throughout my pregnancy. Did not offer to cook any tonic or show sign of concern. I’m scared of cats and when I go over they don’t bother to bring the cats away and allow the cats going around to scare me. I was so sick during Mothers’ Day for close to a month and we did not celebrate. After I recovered and we visited them, my MIL complained to my husband telling him that we did not celebrate MD and we should arrange to celebrate the upcoming Fathers’ Day. It’s really ridiculous because their family do not have the tradition to celebrate birthday and occasion. Right now I’ve been hospitalised for 20 days due to PPROM. They visited once without any fruits. They only came and asked about the estimated bills as I have to stay close to 40 days before it’s safe for me to deliver my baby. Their only remarks was “Wow that’s such a high cost”. Before they leave, they even request for me to pose for them to take a picture so that they can show other relatives that they did their “job” to visit as in law. This is their first grandchild and probably the only one :/ For now, I’ve gave up on them. I am going to focus on my baby and my well being! Stay positive!

Your feelings are valid. I feel you, my mum has been especially mean too. Asking me to F off and die further away from home so I cut her off. My step dad sent pictures of my baby to her (w/o my permission) and all she had to say is “Ha, good lor see how she take care”. Mind you, she didn’t take care of all her kids at all, we were all brought up by grandparents and helper, her job? Play computer and whack us all day if we accidentally disturbed her sleep / she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I used to go to school with cane strokes everywhere, it’s so damn embarrassing. My husband calls me cold blooded because I cut them off even after knowing all the stuffs she did to me lol. Find a close friend that you can confide and let our all your emotions to, you will feel better. Sometimes I find that confiding to my best friend is way better than my husband who has nothing nice to say/keeps quiet like I’m to myself. Focus on your baby, ignore all the negative people. Your baby will bring so much happiness to you as they grow and best part is, they never let you feel alone and they will shower you with lots of laughter and love! Hope everything goes well for you 💪🏻.

hey sorry you had to go thru this. I had similar issues like you too. And now baby is going to be a toddler, there's just sooo much boundaries I have to fix bcos my parenting style is different. It's challenging bcos I'm still staying with my mom and sometimes we get into arguments or just give the cold shoulders to each other. Can't wait to move out. I also thought that your own fam members would be the most helpful, accommodating, understanding and won't pass hurtful or judge-y remarks. I am so wrong. sometimes the person closest to you will hurt you the most. Talk to your close friends or confide to your husband abt your feelings. You need to let it out sometimes, to feel better. I am glad I have a supporting husband and friends who are good listeners. And I always tell myself to forgive whatever and whoever who wasn't there for me when I was new to motherhood. But I won't forget. As a reminder that hopefully when I am older and hv my own grandkids, I won't be like tht. You've got this ok💪

Haha Asian parents things. Sometimes I see how can people so sayang their daughter. Esp the most viral video abt the father telling the son in law if he dw her anymore pls return back. My mum will be the reason Im getting sot. during confinement, she don’t even pay for my food etc Ok I mean she don’t need to but she will wanna claim from my husband. I mean.. like very calculative. I see other people they will sponsor nannny, buy bird nest pls. Even $20 she also wanna take from my husband. She will scream and scold me too. My nanny will say her say : please don’t do that. If not she will get PPD. I stay in my room and cry when we had a fight. ( nanny was around back then ) Jy ok. Just our parents (sayang) us in a different way. Just not good in words, money and whatever. Haha just in their heart and mind ba.

Prolly the case of out of sight, out of mind. And also you said you are not the type to let out your feelings, maybe consider that your parents may also be the same type of person as you? Maybe they might even be more conservative than you are, but they don't realise it. I am also this kind of person, where i like people to ask me out, but I never actually ask people out, because I feel awkward initiating, even with my best friends. And even if i am happy they ask me out and happy to go, i dont have enough mental stamina to last through the entire session 😅😅😅. Maybe thats another reason why i dont dare to initiate as well. It may feel bad that it's always you who initiate, but if they did not reject the idea, try to believe that maybe deep down, your parents actually welcomes it.

How’s your communication and relationship with your parents before your pregnancy? If you have been rather independent and the meet ups are not very frequent, they might have thought you are fine and don’t want to disturb you. Prob they are also the more quiet type who don’t express their feeling much. Maybe you can make use of this chance to invite them over to your house for a gathering before giving birth. It’s a chance to bond before you are busy with your newborn and get some moral support from them. Them seeing you at 33 weeks with a rather big bump might make them realised that their grandchild is coming soon. Whatever it is, dont let these feelings make u stress and affect your emotions. Ultimately this is our own baby and our responsibility.

I feel you, sister. My parents don't care about me either. They will contact me only when they need money. Especially my mom, when she feels I might not give her the money she needs, she will say things like, "You better pay your parents if you wish to have a healthy baby.. " For years, I have had to train myself to not expect anything from them to avoid feeling disappointed and hurt by what they say. I m sad that my parents are like this. What I tell myself (not sure if it helps in your situation) - Do not expect anything from anyone. Just be happy that you are gifted with this baby and focus on being the mummy that you dreamed of having.

My mum didn’t show any concern to me when I was pregnant with my first child. She helped my eldest sis with confinement with her third child and helped my younger sis to take care of her son for 3 years. But she only visited me once after I gave birth. In the end I didn’t do confinement when I gave birth to my first child. I chose to get it go and not think about it. Because after being through 2 pregnancies, I know how difficult it was for her during those times. I m grateful that she brought me up after all. I hope everything will be ok for you! Focus on happy things and thoughts. All the best 💪🏼

Sorry for your experience. I’m guessing if you’re too quiet and keep things to yourself but from the outside you look chill and good, ppl will take it that you’re fine and it’s better not to disturb you. Or maybe your parents trust that you will surely call for their help when truly in need. I know it’s hard but it’s worth to try telling them your true feelings.