How to start trusting after cheating

It is very heartbreaking to read this... Last year, prior to getting pregnant this year, I also caught my husband cheating on me (although there is no proof that he physically cheated and he also denies having sex with third party, but I caught them going out for a couple of months). I spoke to many friends who went through cheating, with & without divorce and thought about it thoroughly. Decided to forgive him because he showed remorse and really show me action that he's changing. Fast forward to 1year after i caught him, i still often have fears and doubts too, but can tell he is trying his best to be transparent and letting me track him (face time anytime) and give me all his passwords. One important thing i did was to make sure his salary goes to our joint account so I can track where his money goes (of cos if he pays anything by cash, i cant do anything). This salary arrangement was made after i caught him, and it's one of the criteria i asked him to promise if he wants to stay together. In your case, it is quite clear he has physically cheated. I can understand why you are thinking of forgiving him, must be due to the kids. Most comments will tell you to divorce, in fact, I think I will tell u the same if you are my friend, simply because your husband does not seem remorseful, nor is he committed to reassure you, or try to remove your fears and doubts about him (no apology, no change in action, and even change his password to hide from u further). If he at least did the above changes, still can give a chance, but clearly, he's not working on the marriage. Maybe he assumes u will definitely forgive him for the kids? You may need to give an ultimatum. I will suggest that you make preparations for the separation as it seems too difficult to trust him again, as it is not easy to just leave like that with the two kids, and especially if you don't have income enough to support the two of them and yourself. A few things you can do: 1. try to gather as much evidence as you can, always cover your own backside: e.g. i took photos of all his chatlog with the 3rd party, and conversations he and his friend had, who as mutual friend with third party. Whatsapp chatlog i emailed to myself and went to his email to delete the "sent". However, if u dont have his PW now, it is quite hard to do. If I were you, I will engage a PI to do this if got budget. 2. find a new job that can support the two kids and yourself as much as possible. when fighting for custody, i believe this will come in handy. 3. speak to a divorce lawyer on what are the steps you need to do, documents you need to prepare, etc. #1 the evidence is so that you can ask for more monthly alimony. however SG law - no clear photo/video evidence of him "in the act" means no evidence of commiting adultery. this is the hardest to get. be strong and be brave. jiayou!!!

about 3 years ago, i found out that my hubby had emotional affair ( talk, msg and hang out but no physical, yet) with a younger female colleague. i was broken and my world came crashing down. i was not preggy then so i cannot even begin to imgaine the pain and emotions you are going thru. I confronted him and it took sometime for him to "wake up his idea". the damanged was already done but somehow we decide to stay on and work at it. its very difficult and very painful for sure. i strongly suggest to talk to your hubby and both of you see marriage counselling. he has to agree and not force it on to it. i also have to say, not all marriage counsellor is good or suitable for you. You must remember that you need a counsellor that is Team marriage for both u and hubby and not team you (cos he cheated) or team him (for whatever reason he gave for cheating). you can usually tell from the first session. I am highlighing this because i have been to one and she feels like she was siding me which didnt feel right to me ( i want someone to help us, solve the issue and not someone to remind me how sad and pain im feeling or how terrible my hubby was). guys can be a bit more prideful or ego issue and feel like they dont want to seek external help because they know what they are doing, they are in control or simply feel too a shame to let other people know his issue. In this case, I suggest you see a counsellor as well. you need to vent out and work the pain and hurt out FOR yourself. also make sure the counsellor is on the same page as you, ie you want to keep the marriage or you dont want to stay on etc.. sometimes you just need a 3rd party that can see things objectively and help you achieve what you want. We are all humans and being emotional can make us do irrational things or things we regret. In anycase, take care of yourself first! We are all here for you. you can vent here in the meantime. i pray and hope everything will work out well for you. Press on!

What im gonna say might not be what you wanna hear (people to validate your choice). Sorry but I can’t understand this. “Prepared to consider some arrangement”?! “To protect me & child.”? You’re seriously still gonna let this guy touch you after whatever you’ve seen? This is not silly, this is stupid. You have already forced yourself to come to terms with yourself to accept his cheating behaviour as long as he stays. But then a part of you can’t stop your instinct of doubts. And I can guarantee you, it won’t solve anything, you’re just going in loops. I was once like you, I can forgive everything as long as I can keep this man. Did it change anything? No. Constant doubting, constant lying, constant quarreling because he will always say I’m overthinking, controlling him by looking at his phone etc etc. This went on for 5 years until i stopped being stupid. I went on with my life without prioritising him. I made new friends and ignored his texts and calls. Constantly bailing out on him last min, that’s where both our lives went Uno reverse. There’s this thing about guys, they don’t treasure when you’re too into them. Change your mindset, be a stronger you. Live the best out of you like as thou you don’t need him anymore. Don’t need to revenge, don’t need to hate. Focus on upgrading yourself and your child. You will realize without this dude here, the world out there is bigger and many things are waiting for you to explore. Goodluck and stay strong!

Hi Mummy, it definitely breaking for you.. Tbh, e part of “consider some arrangement” I completely disagree! You’re his lawful spouse, and he should only be loyal faithful to you be it emotional or physically! When a guy changed his phone password after wife/GF found out him cheating do you really think he still can be trusted? At least to me is a no. Same thing, ask your husband can he accept if you did e same thing he has done? Can he accept you to occasionally have ONS with any person even if no emotion attached? I can tell from your post that you wanna some of us here to support you giving in for such “special arrangement”. I won’t be surprised one day he might have a real affair (3rd party) and might ask for divorce if you really give in now.. Please be firm and say no to him! This is e best way to protect you, your kids and your family as whole.. Be strong Mummy! 💪🏻

Totally agree! He doesnt need you and you, DO NOT need him even more. Please leave him now before more damage is done. Trust me, there will be more to come if you stay. He doesnt respect you at all let alone care for your feelings. You will do much better without him. Explore the world and build your dreams with your children!! Itll be exciting and youll feel free!!

Try to go for marriage counselling, i hope that helps to improve between each partner. Might not know why suddenly his behaviour that not suitable in your partner needs/demand. Be more patient and claim down when talking to your partner, if there an physical abuse just call the authority. Do stay safe.

Please becareful. Scared kenna HIV thn transfer to you