How to start trusting after cheating

I am a mother of 2 young kids (both less than 2yr old). My husband cheated. Initially, i thought it were massages with special services only. Cried talking to him, he denied and said that i overthink, it was normal massages and if I m concerned, he shall not go anymore. However, within 1 week after our talk, I found that he still continue to search online for such services and lied about his whereabout. Recently, found out through his phone messages that he has been engaging prostitutes. I sat down to talk to him, he denied too, saying that he search/enquire for fun, its just enquiry, he never go.. but i saw everything including messages like location to meet, he has reached and the after review etc..when I told him what I have seen in phone, he tried to deny it but did not dare to show me the phone when i asked for it, and said that if i don't like, he shall not 'enquire' again, he said he still know his priority is still the family. I didn't want to keep arguing with him to get him admit as it feel it will go nowhere. To me, if he is willing to stop, I will let it go and move on. I know I am silly, but i also tell him that if for some reasons he just can't stop the desire to go, he should just be honest to me, i am prepared to consider some arrangment ie. Let him to go occasionally but he should try to limit the times, no emotional attachments and must practice safety measures to protect me & child. He said that he don't need such arrangement, he will just stop. Throughout the talk with him, he has never apologise to me, just deny and say he won't go or enquire again, his priority is still the family and that we should move on. It has been few days since the talk, now whenever he is using the phone, I got very worried, wonder if he still arranging to go. He has even changed the phone password as he knew i found out by checking his phone. How does couple gain back each other trusts after cheating? Should I be concerned that he changed his phone password? I also starting to doubt myself and whether he really still love me..or am I just someone to take care of his kids now.

Vô danh

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about 3 years ago, i found out that my hubby had emotional affair ( talk, msg and hang out but no physical, yet) with a younger female colleague. i was broken and my world came crashing down. i was not preggy then so i cannot even begin to imgaine the pain and emotions you are going thru. I confronted him and it took sometime for him to "wake up his idea". the damanged was already done but somehow we decide to stay on and work at it. its very difficult and very painful for sure. i strongly suggest to talk to your hubby and both of you see marriage counselling. he has to agree and not force it on to it. i also have to say, not all marriage counsellor is good or suitable for you. You must remember that you need a counsellor that is Team marriage for both u and hubby and not team you (cos he cheated) or team him (for whatever reason he gave for cheating). you can usually tell from the first session. I am highlighing this because i have been to one and she feels like she was siding me which didnt feel right to me ( i want someone to help us, solve the issue and not someone to remind me how sad and pain im feeling or how terrible my hubby was). guys can be a bit more prideful or ego issue and feel like they dont want to seek external help because they know what they are doing, they are in control or simply feel too a shame to let other people know his issue. In this case, I suggest you see a counsellor as well. you need to vent out and work the pain and hurt out FOR yourself. also make sure the counsellor is on the same page as you, ie you want to keep the marriage or you dont want to stay on etc.. sometimes you just need a 3rd party that can see things objectively and help you achieve what you want. We are all humans and being emotional can make us do irrational things or things we regret. In anycase, take care of yourself first! We are all here for you. you can vent here in the meantime. i pray and hope everything will work out well for you. Press on!

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Home Random Talk i mother 2 young kids both less than 2yr old husband cheated initially