Feeling down and resentful towards husband.. going to work soon (part time). Need somewhere to rant

Me & my husband agreed on all shared expenses we pay by ratio. Means how much we have in cash, contribute 20% of our total net worth into our shared account. Which to me is fair. Usually we touch this account for shared experiences like travel, holiday, wedding etc. Not sure if your arrangement "proportionately" means this way? However, if I could ask what motivated these thoughts? As it usually points to fear. So what fear are you having? Is it you having not enough? He doesn't contribute more than you think he should? He should off load you on certain household chores to be fair? You feel that husband should be the sole provider? How did this arrangement started? And how come you suddenly have all these thoughts? Is it cause you feel like you're contributing a lot at home and on top of that you have to continue the the finances as well? I think this is an important question to have to yourself. Once you have your answers, then it's important to speak to him based on your mindset and ideas so you guys can find middle ground. As different couples have different values and grounds for marriage. Some is husband is the provider, some prefer equal. Some is ok with less or more. Hopefully you find resolution and peace 👍🏻

I also do heard of husband paying for all expenses and do seemingly more blissful.. but maybe in other ways they are more worse than our spouse in terms of temper? I also had friends whose husband doesn’t give a cent to household and very stingy and wife is earning only admin salary. And yes we cannot compare each other husband like this. It will only cause unnecessary unrealistic expectation and resentment, or maybe result in bad marriage. I myself also pays 4:6 where my husband pays 60% and I pay 40% because both of us are working while he is earning more. In Singapore, with the living expenses , it’s really very difficult to be one to pay for all unless ur husband is earning like director’s salary. I also communicate with my husband on the split ratio.. and we come to terms. So no fighting after that. You will not be the only wife here struggling to contribute for the expenses.. and surely will never be the last one 😊 Hope that helps.

I suggest speaking to your husband if you feel that you are not able to contribute for whatever reason, coz you also wont want things to swing the other way where because your husband pays for everything, your relationship dynamic changes and he becomes the one with power coz he pays for everything. If you pay proportionately to your income,I think that is fair, unless you're going to be a stay at home mum, then that's a different story altogether. I earn slightly less than my husband,but our contribution is 50-50, because I expect him to help out at home and with the baby 50-50 too, so I make sure things are as fair as possible. This works for us, so you'll have a find a way that works for both of you

I feel this is a societal problem with expecting women to be equal to man. By nature and psychology, nobody is equal right. There's a reason why women birth and care and thus cant be expected to work financially and be home managers and raise the family etc. Theres also a reason why men are stronger physically, neutrally swayed by emotions, do tasks differently too But then theres super feminists shouting for equality causing a mess in common sense lol. Its time to sit and talk it out. Singapore economy sucks so expecting both parents to 50/50 is stupid n rude. Maybe do a ratio share for the finances ? And sharing the workload and mental load appropriately too? I really hope u and ur family will get though this!!!

Definitely it’s normal to have a sense of resentment towards your partner. I’m sure each of you would have your own responsibility and part to play. Perhaps it’ll be good to lay them out on a table to see if he’s able to provide more since he’s earning more and once you’ve stabilised and you’ll try to contribute to match him as well. My suggestion is consider having multiple side incomes, depending on your own skills and expertise so this way you’ll have your extra income coming in as well. Remember to self love and be smart about certain matters!! ✨

In my case I earn more than my husband. I still expect him to share according to ratio, help out at home (50 50) coz both of us should contribute to the upkeep of the house since we r both living there. (but recently both of us just hired part time cleaning service as too busy with 4 month baby) Do take care, I feel after pregnancy, dealing with the overwhelming baby chores, back to full time work, can cause stress and also sometimes make me upset over many things. Most importantly, work out an arrangement that u both r OK and happy.

hmm why do you compare yourself with other husbands that pays fully ? i honestly feel that it’s fair to contribute according to how both of you can afford. maybe you are tired taking care of your little one hence negative thoughts always come to your mind. maybe that’s also the reason why you felt that your husband should contribute more perhaps he wasn’t contributing enough physically and emotionally. i feel you should have a talk with him instead of feeling resentful towards him, it’s very toxic.

every family finances work differently, nonetheless, your feelings are still valid. post natal blues can still happen at 3m, perhaps speak to a doc or therapist to see if there's ways to help u navigate your emotions while working out a consensus with your husband. there may not be a win win solution/ideal outcome that caters to everyone, but at least hopefully with therapy help we don't have to feel extremely upset or bitter about the situation hugggsss hope it gets better for u

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