How do we figure out the boundaries that we’d like to set with our in-laws?

This question can best be answered with a tad bit of time. If you are newly married, and have certain ideas of how things should be in terms of boundaries, discuss it almost immediately with your husband. If you have been married for more a few years and are still struggling to figure it out, don't worry, it's still not too late. In this case, now that you are almost settled into your new home. Speak to your husband about the things that bother you. These could be many: - Their say in where you should work. - Their say in having children - Their say in how you should work around the house These may read trivial, but sometimes small issues can culminate into bigger fights with your husband. So the best option is to talk it out with him, share your problems and ask him to solve them for you.

Set a time to do this. It is an important issue and deserves a “scheduled” timing. You can each come up with a list of what needs to be addressed. For example, are there any problems (e.g., are they interfering or intruding into your marriage/family?) to be noted? Which are the aspects of your lives that needed boundaries to be set (child discipline issues? Disclosure of information? Visitation frequencies? Etc) Discuss your lists and agree on which and what boundaries are reasonable. Once done, both of you will have a clear understanding on the boundaries you have agreed on. Communicate them to your in-laws if required (e.g., the ones on disciplining child). It will also be good to review and amend the list as time progresses.

It's difficult to list down everything all at once. But I'm sure you can build a list as you go along. Establishing a lasting relationship with your spouse means embracing their family as well. If he/she comes from a tight knit family then you might have to learn to compromise and make them feel included. But this is entirely up to you. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Major decisions, of course, should be between you and your husband. But be open to their advice in order for your relationship to grow. They mean well.

Have a cuppa coffee, sit down with a piece of paper and pen and write down what your boundaries are. Coffee boosts your concentration so you can figure out what boundaries you want to set more easily. Some questions you might like to ask yourself: - How often do you want to visit them/them to visit you? - Do you want to give them free access to your home by giving them the keys? - Are they allowed to discipline your children?

I think in-laws should be mature enough to respect boundaries, After all they would have gone through a similar situation. However if you feel intrusion coming your way, there's no harm in having a respectful discussion with them making them understand why the need to keep boundaries. I feel anything explained with SBA (Situation, Benefit, Analysis) will help them understand , accept and appreciate you better.

sit down with your spouse and think back on what they have done so far and what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Afterwhich you will need to sit your in laws down and sort it out with them. Be gentle and nice so that they dont feel like you are pinning blame on them

Discuss it with your partner about boundaries you want to set with your in laws. Make sure your partner know and understand about every boundaries you both set. Your partner need you explain it to your in laws and you need to explain to your parents.

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All the basic responsibilities should be carried by the parents themselves (providing food, shelter, clothing, education,discipline, etc.), It's your right as parents. The rest could be shared with the in-laws.

I think it's best to discuss them with your spouse first before talking to your in laws. This is so that your partner understands where you're coming from, and you both can explain and talk to your in laws.