I'm going through a divorce and have a 1 year old son who is still breastfeeding. My husband just told me he wants the custody of my son when he cannot even make clever decisions for him. To him, spending time with his son means lying in bed together and playing iPad / watching YouTube. Do note my husband makes terrible plans and has bad manners such as eating loudly in public and is very lazy. After marriage he gained 20kg due to his lazines within 1 year. The only thing is, he has a high income. He say he will fight with me in court. I am planning to get a full time job and hire a helper to take care of my son so i can take care of us financially. What are my chances of getting full custody?
Custody and Care and Control are 2 different thing. 1. Custudy is what Diana Lai Described. 2. Having a care and control is to take care of kid's daily needs and entitle you to Child Support. The above are just legal terms, just let me share with you my experience as a soon-to-be divorced father. My wife & I both love the kid very much but we can't stand each other. In early stage she threaten to take full custody and care and control even she doesn't have the ability to do so. She push the baby to me after her maternity leave. Naturally during that I'm very stress and I can't focus on my work and etc. My friend counsel me and told just focus on the kid. Don't bother about the legal terms. I master all my energy and abilities. I hired a maid and prepare my house to care for baby. So now I have my baby(6 month+) for 5 days week because she is unwilling to take over care and control of the baby even she insist she has the right bah bah. I'm trying to claim child support from her but she is giving ridiculous reason. Going to engage a lawyer soon. (Yes I'm a father doesn't meant I have to pay for everything) With the above said Divorce is a selfish decision. I urge you to read "Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce" It will provide you the strength and sanity to work with your husband for your kid. A lot of times my wife drive me up the wall with her whatsapp messages and etc. Back to yourself. 1. Challenge him to take care of the baby for 1 week. I doubt he will be able to do it. I struggle a lot myself too 2. Yes you should get a job because the care and control usually goes to the one with a job. (doesn't have to high income). Even you are not in a divorce you should get a job. 3. Tell him to go see lawyer before saying he wants to fight in court. Each court attendance can cost up to 5k, it will slowly drain his finances. For yourself, you can go for legal aid so this war of attribution is on your side. You can play this dragging game with him + after getting interim custody. Drain him down on child support. If your marriage is more than 5 years, sue for maintenance too! My personal opinion is to have co-parenting. 1~2 overnight stay for the non-custodial parent. This will provide you some ME time which you desperately need!Read more
Hi your advice is really helpful! Yes my soon to be ex husband can't even take care of my baby not even for 1 day, though i know he love our child very much becos he is just not hands on. He used to just order me around with chores and baby as i am a hous
Hi...don’t get me wrong. I’m pro-marriage and do not encourage divorce because we have the child to think for. On the contrary, it also really depends on the circumstances. My personal feel is that if the marriage has irrevocably broken down and both couples are constantly fighting and there’s no trust and love in a home, it’s really not healthy for the child to stay in a family condition “like this” as well. It’s really a decision that needs to be well thought through at all angles and seriously considered especially for the child first. What’s the “end in mind” for your child? No one should judge you if you choose the latter because love, peace and joy are important elements that are needed in the growth of a child and also for ourselves. A child needs a safe and loving home to go back to. On this aspect, when a separation / divorce takes place, a positive and practical co-parenting approach should be considered especially for the growth of the child. Couples don’t have to treat each other as enemies in a broken marriage but rather both you and your spouse could adopt a positive, non-judgmental, practical and respectful method (for your child’s sake) to co-parent your child to benefit the child. Showing him through role-modeling of acceptance, understanding and most of all strength to overcome this transition together with you. Most importantly, prove and assure your child that you and your husband still love him very much and separation is something that you both need to sort out. To the question about child custody, in normal circumstances the child will be with the mother and joint custody will promoted. All best.Read more
The Court generally consider the following areas as major decision making: 1 Medical issues like whether the child is to be hospitalized or a particular surgery should be performed on the child. 2 Educational issues like the choice of school, choice of enrichment classes, choice of course in school, choice of subjects, whether the child is to attend a particular school trip or outing, or tuition. 3 Religious issues like the religious instruction of the child, attendance at places of worship, undergoing religious ceremonies, etc. If you want a 'sole custody', order where the right is given to one parent to make major decisions for the child without the agreement of the other parent. These days, the Court who although may grant a sole custody order will sometimes also includes an order that the custodial parent must consult (or even obtain the consent of) the other parent when making decisions on specified matters, for example, choice of school, choice of course in school and so on.http://www.wwlegal.com/posts/sole-custody-joint-custody-or-care-and-control-what-in-the-world-do-they-mean/Read more
1) There is 2 types of Divorce: - Contested and Uncontested. 2) Contested: - Both of you cant agree to the terms and required both to go court. - Bare in mind process takes longer, cost more, judge will make the decisions. 3) Uncontested: - Both of you come to a agreement what you both wants. - Cause of Divorce? Audultry or unreasonable behavoir. - Assets?? Talk about houses. - Custody?? Sole or Joint. Common one is Joint unless, your husband given up the right. - Care & Control definately be given to the mother. - Supervised visitation?? - Maintainance: Child & Wife. Try to seek for legal aid advise or a lawyer. I hoped all be good. Stay strong ok Mummy. Think for your child. Possible try to collate evidences as much as you can since your husband has threaten you to fight in court. Cheers.Read more
normally custody for now is (joint custody) . unless either side give up the custody so the other party will have sole custody for the child. but Care and Control will normally fall to mummy side. . as ur kids is still young . . and there is no such thing that who earn more will have the custody . judge will look at what is the best for the child. . it will be best if u and ur hubby can come to some agreement on the Divorce part.. as in some part to look out for . - like access for the child . - maintenence for the kids . if there are house hmm... lawyer fee is also very ex . i can say . the more u drag the lawyer fee also.cost more.Read more
normally custody will be given to mother if the child is under age of 7. unless there is major fault on the mom.. just being nosy, divorce is simple for adults life goes on but for a kid can be really damaging for their growth. look not the present but why you actually be with him in the first place. did he change or did you change too. and if really divorce you also shouldn't be bad mouth your husband honestly it does not serve you any good and it might be use against you. just food for thought.Read more
Don't have to be afraid of him. Don't feel stress . Don't do anything funny . Try to keep evidence of him if he scold the son or whatever u can video down . Meanwhile pls keep your cool. This is important as u wouldn't know if he is secretly keeping evidence of u anot . I know at this stage , Him threatening taking the custody etc of your child scares u . dont be too afraid . Your child will Mostly be with uRead more
High chance is a joint custody, otherwise kids usually go to the moms. Unless the mom is unwell or financially unstable, etc. There are many factors they consider. You can try to go to the family court and enquire. They will try to mediate with you before you decide to proceed or not. Otherwise please seek advise from the family service center.Read more
For your situation, a mother is always in a better position to take care of such a young child. Furthermore, you are still breastfeeding. Don’t give up. Baby needs you more. I don’t think your husband can even take care of the child alone for a day. He will definitely rely on external help.
It should be joint custody . U would need to fight for the care and control . Most of the cases the mother will get it . If he earns a lot more , best. Get more alimony from him . U can start to calculate your child's expenses , when child starts schools etc expenses .Read more