How do you let you mum-in-law know that you will be calling the shots on the upbringing of your child (without sounding rude)?

Make sure you don't make a mountain out of a mole hill, but ensure that she understands that this is your child, and you and your husband get the final say on how he or she should be raised. Definitely get your husband to lead this conversation. That said, listen to her but take all advice with a grain of salt. Be firm and consistent and set the tone right from the start.

Listen without interrupting and filter without having to cut them off. But if they get too pushy gently remind them that although you are grateful for their opinion (since they raised such a good person: your spouse), there are certain things that can only be decided on by the parents. Make them feel valued and respected and always speak to them with love but firmness. :)

...take all the advice, note them up then apply as needed. You might find some useless at the moment but might be helpful in the future-- remember old people do have wisdom to share bec they literally been through all before us. haha Instead of focusing on "who's who" channel both your energy on the child --give love, attention and harmonious environment to live in.

I've seen firsthand that it takes a village to raise a child. A MIL's insight might deem helpful in some form so listening can't hurt. When it comes down to it though, being definitive, purposeful and firm with decisions sends a message to the MIL that you put careful thought into raising your child and will take full responsibility for the outcome.

Speak to the husband and discuss how you are feeling and make him understand the gravity of the situation. Ask him to be involved in a casual sit-down where you can initiate this discussion and indicate to her that you are not comfortable with her calling the shots. Make sure your husband participates in the discussion for it to work.

As most of the people have very rightly mentioned, listen to them as there's no harm in that, you might come across a really good advice or if not at least you are making your elders feel that their experience is valued by you. But ultimately you should do what you think is right for your child, don't bend under the pressure. All the best!

Firmly but politely. "I love it that you are taking care of my child, but I am her mother and will make decisions on how she is raised". If you MIL doesn't take kindly and feels offended, then seek alternative child-care arrangements. I would not bring my husband into the picture as it might cause more friction.

I would first thank her for all the advice she has given then be politely open about it by telling her that a mother should have a say in her child's upbringing no matter what. And that you feel you're being robbed of that chance if she's constantly calling the shots.

My fren's mil is always trying to let their son be the one call the shots. So things they do can be quite intimidating.. Would it be better not to let your mil knows you are calling the shots. Might be better for your hub to tell his mum just relax and rest back

I would thank her for her advice but let her know that I will be the one to make the rules for my child. I guess you could ask her for advice once in a while so she feels 'needed', and won't insist on her methods all the time