15 Replies
Timeout and logical reasoning works for my colleague. This help prevent her daughter from hiding any mistakes as her daughter does not have the fear that she will be beaten. Her daughter often has a guilty look when she knows that she did something she was not supposed to. When probed, she will confess and accept the consequence. My colleague often uses logical reasoning and get her daughter to think of ways to make up for what she has done wrong. You would be surprised the things that young children suggest to "atone" for their mistakes. There was once her daughter broke a cup (despite my colleague's numerous warnings of not to swing the cup around). My colleague later explained to her that it was because she was worried about her safety (and safety of others) when she told her not to swing the cup. The little girl understood and as "punishment", she offered to sweep the house (with the small brush) to prevent everyone from getting hurt by the broken cup. My friend did the "punishment" with her in the end by getting her daughter to hold the dustpan instead of doing the sweeping.
I think one should have more and more conversations with kids. If we logically put things across, kids get them better rather than when we try to make them understand by scolding or spanking them. Because then, they do not listen and just get upset because you behaved badly with them. And if you talk to them and make them understand, they listen and imbibe what you are saying. They realise that their behaviour was bad and even then no one is spanking me or scolding me. They acknowledge the fact that you have been nice to them when you had the choice of spanking them too. And which is why the chances of them adhering to what you say are quite high. So, in my opinion, we should talk to kids and make them understand why is right or wrong rather than yelling or spanking.
I don't believe in physical punishments either. If my daughter misbehaves, it really depends on where we are and who's around us. If she's with other kids, I'll have to remove her from everyone, bring her away from where others can see us and then reprimand her. I believe it's important not to shame them in public because they may end up being resentful instead. If she had cause hurt to someone else or gotten into a fight with another kid, I'd spilt them up, isolate them in a room (different corners) and let them reflect by themselves facing the wall on their own for 15 minutes. Afterwhich, I would come in and asked if they knew what was wrong and why was it wrong. Last is to hug and kiss each other and to forgive one another.
Punishment time Chair: Must be facing you. Repeat: breathe, Relax, Calm down Once the time is done If he or she is not relaxed and calm down they must wait a little longer . Explain what he/she did wrong. Make them clean up the mess he/she did... Whoever punishes my kid must stay with my kid until The time is right Every minute for Each age... Please follow instructions when punishing my kid. Do not force, pool, grab Or call my kid different names such as dumb, stupid, or Retarded . Please refrain form those words. This is something I live by and at the end tell ur kid to give u a kiss and you need to say "thank you for understanding, now please don't do that again. "
My friends' kids here in Sweden are spared from spanking (and any physical punishments) because it is against the law and parents can be arrested for it. So, what they usually do for punishment is to take away a privileged item that the child loves. For younger kids, they take away a favourite toy while for older kids, if they have computers, mobile phones -- they'll be taken away. Alternatively, they will take away tv-time, game days or even their favourite weekend dessert. It works each time!
All you require is patience and healthy conversations with your kids. You need to have more and more conversations with your kids to see logic in things rather than imposing things on them. Let them have their say. Listen to them and do not always have your way. If you talk logically to kids, give them an option to voice their opinions make kids understand and they themselves get to know their mistakes and they accept them and you do not have to lose your temper for little nothings.
ParentTown interviewed Shanti Chainani, Wellness Trainer from Royal Academy Pte Ltd, on how to practice positive parenting! Here's the link - Click on TV more for episodes :) http://parenttown.com/topic/tv-positive-parenting-what-the-heck-is-it
Talking, talking and more talking! Children need to told about dos and don'ts, acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Any mistake by them should be rectified by the parents and the reason be told to them.
Try time out, "naughty corner" for about three minutes and let them know what they did wrong and let them know you love them that's why you did timeout and they need to listen 😊
The only thing that works for my daughter is removing toy boxes from room and sending her there until she calms down and explain she will get it back when she listens.