I personally harboured such feelings during my confinement period too. It felt like he was whiling away his time while I have to pump and all. I quickly spoke to my hubs and what helped was:
- understanding that it was his way of winding down and his acceptance that his life changes. I think for dads, this may not come as instinctively when the baby is just born
- getting him to help! Rather than seeing him do nothing and just feel bitter on the inside, I try to be more vocal and don’t hold back when asking him to do chores. Eg. when I pump, he helps to wash or set up my pumps, tending to the baby while I pump, etc. Just ask.
- if he’s watching tv and it’s time to pump, I request for him to watch smth that I would also watch haha. It was “spending time together” but if the baby cries then he goes!!
I think your feelings are valid. But you and your hubs both have the same 24 hours on hand and it can look very different for both partners. If he chooses to watch tv, it can mean he has lesser time for his own rest. But it shouldn’t mean that his responsibilities towards you and baby should be lesser. Whether you think responsibilities = time/money spent, etc then it’s up to you guys to decide for yourself.
Biologically speaking, there’s nothing much that the guys can do when it comes to pumping. And it is also true that we get very fragmented sleep because of our pump routines. There is no way both parents can contribute exactly the same.
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