Ask the Expert: Nurturing Emotional Intelligence From Early Childhood

Dear Farisha, thanks for writing in. At his young age, it's likely that he is simply modeling behaviors he observes, which is a normal part of his development. He probably doesn’t see these behaviors as gender-specific, as he may not yet fully understand the meaning of prayer items or other items at this stage. At this age, he’s likely developing curiosity about the people around him, so this could be a great time to offer opportunities for him to be around peers to encourage socialization. Interacting with others in a safe environment can be really beneficial in helping him learn to express himself and develop prosocial skills, all of which are important for the healthy development of his personality.

Dear Li Xin, thanks for writing in. It's wonderful that you're a loving and attentive mother. Trust your instincts when it comes to raising your child. You can never give too much love, as long as it's paired with age-appropriate boundaries. Being kind and firm with your children is completely possible. You don’t need to pretend to be someone you're not. I'm also curious about what "spoiling" a child really means. If "spoiling" refers to giving in to every demand and saying yes to everything, then yes, children can become spoiled. However, if it means showing love, teaching gently, and treating them with respect and kindness, then these are all signs of good parenting. Keep doing what you're doing! All the best!

Dear Anon, Thank you for writing in. You’re absolutely right in recognizing the importance of regulating your emotions. As parents, we need to be calm in our children's storms. Children learn from more from our actions than our words. If they see us getting upset over our mistakes, they may learn that mistakes are not good. If we show in our actions that we are all human and we all make mistakes, they will be more forgiving with their mistakes. It’s completely normal for a 5-year-old to get frustrated easily. When that happens, you can use it as an opportunity to reflect and guide them. You might say something like, “I can see you're frustrated because your blocks fell. I feel frustrated too when things don’t go as planned. What helps me is taking a few deep breaths, stepping away for a moment, and then coming back to solve the problem.” This approach will not only help you handle the situation calmly but also model how to manage frustration for your child. All the best!

Dear Anon, Thank you for writing in. It's completely normal for siblings to have different personalities and behaviors—this is what makes each of us unique. Everyone has varying levels of sensitivity, and it's wonderful that you're able to recognize the differences between your two children. This awareness can help you adapt your parenting approach to better suit each child's individual needs. It's important to remember that your children's sensitivities are not a reflection of something you've done wrong. What is within our control is how we respond to their behaviors. I encourage you to take note of how you feel when you see your son cry. Perhaps you feel worried for him, or maybe his tears make you uncomfortable if crying wasn’t allowed when you were a child. By understanding our own emotional responses to our children's behaviors, we can better support them in navigating their big feelings. All the best!

Thank you for this wonderful opportunity. It was truly heartwarming to see so many relevant questions coming in from loving and caring parents. It’s crucial to nurture emotional intelligence from the beginning, as these positive habits will support children as they grow, helping to build healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. As one user mentioned, EQ is just as important as IQ in today’s world. Being aware of why we behave the way we do is essential because it allows us to recognize our blind spots and work on improving them. It's an invaluable skill for children to learn self-reflection early on, helping them become aware of their own behaviors and emotions. This awareness can guide them in making better choices and developing stronger emotional intelligence as they grow. Today, both parents and schools are increasingly aware of the importance of emotions and are actively teaching the next generation about them. It’s beneficial to regularly talk about feelings with our children. Y

Dear Priscilla, Thank you for writing in. I believe both EQ and IQ play crucial roles in leading a healthy and successful life, so your question is quite relevant. At 2 years old, children are in an exploratory phase of development, trying to make sense of the world around them. While they experience the same emotions as older children and adults, they don’t yet have the language skills to express them. Instead of saying, "I feel upset that my toy broke," a toddler might show their frustration through behaviors like throwing things, pushing, or even trying to bite. These are all normal and typical behaviors for a toddler. It’s wonderful that you are validating your child’s emotions with words. By doing so, you're modeling how to use language to express feelings. With time, you will begin to see the positive effects of your efforts as your child starts to express their emotions with words too. All the best!

Dear Charlene, Thank you for writing in, and I truly appreciate your honesty. As parents, we all have moments when we get cranky or tired and may snap at our children—it’s completely human. What’s really valuable is being able to apologize to our kids. It teaches them that everyone makes mistakes, and apologizing is a healthy way to repair those mistakes. The fact that you feel guilty afterwards shows how much you care for your child. While we can’t prevent our emotions from affecting our children, we can become more aware of them. By understanding and nurturing our own feelings, we can better support our children. I always believe that happy moms are good moms. Take time to figure out how you can carve out some breaks for yourself to reduce stress. Even something as simple as being outside for 5 minutes to center yourself before you enter the house after work can make a difference. Additionally, checking in with yourself and naming your stresses can be a powerful tool in managing the

Dear Mei Hui, thanks for writing in. This is a good question. As mothers, we often have an instinctive sense of when our child is genuinely distressed versus when they are fake crying or screaming. I encourage you to trust your gut. If you feel the crying is just an attempt to get something, you have the right to say no. I understand that as parents, we sometimes give in because it’s hard to see our children cry and scream. It’s important to stay calm during a meltdown. You can set boundaries by saying something like, "I can see you’re really upset right now because I said no. I am here with you." If you start to feel frustrated, try stepping away for a moment, if possible, and allow someone else to step in for a short break. The more consistently you stick to your “no”, the easier it will become for your child to understand that not every request results in a yes. The real challenge is finding ways to stay calm when the child is in distress, especially when giving in feels like the e

Dear Anon, Thank you for writing in. It’s wonderful that you’re making an effort to validate your daughter’s feelings. Saying no to our children is completely okay, and it’s natural for them to feel sadness, frustration, or even anger in response. You’re handling it just right. If she cries louder, that’s actually a good sign—it means she’s able to absorb your validation and express her sadness more fully. Toddlers do not have the language skills to express their emotions, but they feel the same things as older children and adults. Since they lack words, their behaviors—like crying, pushing, or having a meltdown—are their way of showing us that their emotions are overwhelming. If you remain calm in those moments and continue to validate her feelings, the intensity usually passes quickly. Imagine yourself as the anchor in a storm, and her emotions as the waves. If you stay steady and calm, the storm will eventually pass smoothly. All the best!