End of maternity leave

Hi mamas, I’m a FTM and I’m going back to work next month. Of course if I have a choice I would rather stay at home and care for my own baby. The arrangement when I start work is that my own mum will care for my baby during the weekdays. But then my MIL suddenly insist that she wants to take care of my baby as well during her off days. (She’s still working btw). I do not have any issues with her previously but then she does not have any experience taking care of a baby. I’m staying with my MIL btw and so far she doesn’t even do the basic routine care like changing of diapers/showering or making milk for my baby. How can I entrust my baby with her if she does not even know the basic routine care? Likewise she’s in her 60s and I’m afraid she’s not strong enough to handle my baby and if anything were to happen, who’s going to be responsible? Can you see my dilemma? I’m trying not to be stressed out about this matter but then how could I? If you’re in my shoes, what would to do, any advice 😭

Elysha

Dreaming of becoming a SHM

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I think this is a red flag honestly but please communicate with ur husband. If u are working on weekdays and weekends are ur family time then its not fair for the baby or urself either that theres no time together. Can explain to the MIL that she can come over to hang with ur family as a compromise but this is ur time as a mother, not her. And u needed ur own mom help for caretaking not because u chose mom over MIL. Just be aware that just because mothers have raised their children thirty over years ago they might not be aware and up to date with current practices. Also its a lot of about respecting boundaries for urself a a mother and daughter. I really hope u get the help needed and be heard. Hugs

Just trust your mommy’s instinct and be firm on your decision. My MIL doesn’t know how to take care of baby as well even she has raised my husband a good man. I did give her opportunity to feed baby, change diaper but she doesn’t seem to be able to handle it and always give up passing it back to my hubby. Perhaps you can give her opportunity to do the full routine with you monitor by her side. Let her do it hands-on and feel how taxing taking care baby can be. My MIL used to say she wants to take care of baby as well because she said why spend money sending to infant care. But now she doesn’t mention it anymore 😂

tell your MIL firmly that your mother will take care of the baby and she can just concentrate on her work. off days she can play with the baby but don't need to take care of the baby as your mother will take care of that.

you must know if she doesn't know then how she raised your husband. 😁 give her a chance.... always check in on baby... don't be too quick to judge probably it's just separation anxiety. your mil is still your mother.

Talk to your husband and let him know your thoughts. Let him communicate with his mum instead of confronting your MIL directly. Taking care of baby is no easy task.

she's a mum too and she does take care of you when ur baby for sure she can handle it. just trust her and maybe tell her your routine of your baby before u start work

Anonymous

got the same dilemma when we had to leave our baby in our home country. MIL always talk that she wants our baby on their side. unfortunately, i got the chance of living with her for few months, dont even know how to change diapers, bathe him. baby poops, goes to walk away say she cant tahan the smell🙄. i just made a firm decision to keep our baby on my family side. i believe my husband witness the same so he didnt disagree.

Thank her for the offer offer but still let your mum take care :) her off days are ad hoc but still need an established routine for caregiver.

So your mum will come over? your MIL can act as extra helping hands ad-hoc since she's only taking care during off-days.

Thank her for her offer but still let your mum take care :)

Let your husband do the talking.

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