30 Replies
For me, I know that once a person betrayed my trust, it will be difficult for me to fully trust the person again. There will always be a lingering doubt whether the same thing will happen. That will not be healthy for a relationship. Therefore, I would choose to leave if I were in your shoes. In addition, I personally feel that divorce may not be the worst choice (in some cases) for children. Being raised in a loveless environment may not be any better. Therefore, you may also want to consider if you could move past this incident if you decide to stay in this marriage. Whether or not things could be worked out between you and your husband. Consider marriage counseling if you feel professional intervention is worth a try. No matter what you decide, stay strong and take care of yourself!
I'm a child of a broken marriage. While divorce or separation will undoubtedly be a bad thing that can happen to a child, staying and modeling a dysfuntional marriage is far worse. If you think in terms of "I will set/raise the standards that my children will live by" and not allow such a parent figure to prance around with poor behavior, the cycle-- of being cheated on or being a cheater, of being the irresponsible one or the being the one who always picks up after and covers his a**-- will not unconsciously repeat with them when they grow up and have relationships of their own. I'm taking my husband out of the equation because of his grave irresponsibility, but I recognize his rights as the father. Some people may say he didn't cheat, so why? This is my answer:
Sorry to hear that. It really depends whether you are willing to give him a second chance and if you husband will change for the better, at least for his children. For me I will not forgive and will choose to leave. He still can take on his role as father to the kids even if we are not together. I know of friends who stayed on despite the husband cheating for the sake of her children but they do not communicate and ignoring each other totally which I don't find that it's healthy and may also have the same bad impact to the children. I do hope the better for you mummy.
If he deserves a second chance then why not let him repent. Go for counseling, work out the differences and look for the feelings you both once had for each other. Sometimes I think marriages break down and it takes both hands to clap. If one made a mistake, it's for the other to correct it. Given time and faith, if it still doesn't work out, then maybe separation is better. As long as the same love, care and concern are given to kids, teach and explain to them why daddy and mummy don't live together, don't let hatred live in them.
I also have that experience before and it was so painful. I cried everyday for three years. My husband is a seaman so it was more difficult for me. It has really ruined my relationship with him. I don't communicate much with him and we don't talk. Although I have overcome the pain already and we are still together because of our two daughters, the relationship is never the same. I would leave him if I were you because you won't be happy with him anymore. Good luck and hope you will make the right decision.
I am so sorry this happened to you; betrayal is never easy especially if you have shared a life with someone :( I'm sorry but in my opinion, he is not a completely great dad because he broke your heart - the mother of his children. Personally, I wouldn't stay. I just cannot imagine life going back to normal after something like this. I reckon it will not be healthy for the children in the long run. Hang in there, I pray things will get better for you no matter what your decision.
I wish I could hug you tight right now. I've been through the same ordeal but we did try to work it out. I wish it'll also happen to you. I know it's hard to forgive but you also need to see the love that you have for him. is it far more greater than his faults? you need to make sure about it. because once you cut the ties once you gave up on him make sure that you're ready with the the outcome not just for you but most especially with your kids. pray. it will help.
I might give another chance if he's willing to walk away. And not do it again. Kids are still very young, and they still do need that fatherly figure in their lives. It is not about the finances, but for the family the kids. Well this can be put off till when they are much older. And then maybe you can decide again if you want to walk away from him. Of cos by then, you guys might have already made up and be even better than before. This would be the best outcome.
i guess we mothers keep our kids as first priority and think about how a divorce will affect them. but what if we are not happy as partners and what happens when our kids realize that? doesn't it affect them then? if you have tried working on it and yet are not able to make it happen, i suggest you talk honestly to your partner about it. go for a divorce and try to keep it as decent as possible. and yes, being financially independent will help.
How are you? I feel so much for you as I am actually in the same situation. Even our background are superficially similar as well... Married for 8 years, 2 kids, financial situation is also the same.... I feel so horrible and wish I could just give you a hug now. I wish I knew what to do. Btw, I found out since end June and keep trying to keep the marriage together but I realized I am not happy but yet I am afraid to let go.