13 Replies
Ofcourse it is okay. You got to realise that she is the mother of those children, and now you too are their father. If you will not accept the kids as yours then it will be difficult for kids as well to accept you as their father. Also, kids are very sensitive and when it is difficult for elders to accept little kids as their own from other marriage then just imagine how difficult it will be for kids to accept a new person as their father. Your wife married you because she wanted to live with you, so do not doubt her intentions. She must be sleeping with the kids so that they do not become insecure and because of which no more troubles arise in the relationship between and her and so that the kids do not start disliking you. I think she is trying to settle them, so that she can comfortably spend time with you without being bothered bout the kids feeling insecure. But if this thing is bothering you much, you cantle to her. Tell her that till the time kids get settled with you being around, two of you can have your own time when they are in school or have gone out playing. Or off and on you cantata a break from office and have date with your wife when the kids have gone to school.
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You must not forget that apart from being your wife she is also mother to her children. Kids are very sensitive and if they be neglected there will crop up endless problems in your life. Being an adult you can understand reasoning why your wife is sleeping with your kids, but the kids might not understand why their mother is no more sleeping with them like before. And they may start hating you, which I am sure you wouldn't like. SO, I suggest give your wife a little time to set things fine with the kids and you can have a chat over this with your wife and see what she has to say.
Hi, I don't think there is anything entirely wrong in this, unless and until she is completely neglecting you and it's affecting your relationship. It also depends on how old the children are and how much they need their mother. Besides, it might be difficult for kids to come to terms with their mother's second marriage and so they might need comforting. If you feel that this is negatively affecting your relationship, you must openly talk to your wife about it. There is a good chance she will understand your point of view and find a way out.
I wont say if its okay or not. No right or wrong about it. How often are the kids with her, and how old are they? If its a weekend affair, let it go. But if its a daily affair, then something needs to be changed. Be tactful during your conversation with her, let her know how you feel, perhaps even expressing how much you miss sleeping with her. Many times, we mean well, but our choice of words play a cruicial part.
Honestly I see no danger sign in this. You need to recognize and respect her mother instinct even if the kids aren't yours. Her kids need her as much as you do. However if it bothers you that much, put across your point of view... Hey why don't you sleep with her and her kids in the same room? She wouldn't mind that. In fact she would love and respect you more. Slowly but surely your issue would be resolved!
How do you talk to her about it? Just do it. She is your wife as much as she is a mother to her children. If it bugs you so much, tell her that you will feel comfortable sleeping with her in the same bed at night and see if you can make arrangements. Maybe her children can sleep in the same room but on mattresses or something.
Maybe is you can tell her this is not what you sign up for.. But you don't expect immediate changes... Take it baby steps like Saturday is couple time. Kudos to you for marrying a woman with kids. Give this man a beer
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A Mother loves her child irregardless on whose genetics they carry. Please respect your wives Mother instincts. If she feels her child needs her and she needs her child, please let her be