Just wanted to share my feelings

Hello! I am a SAHM too for 3 years now, I have a 18m and coming soon with a NB. I share your feelings. I cannot imagine myself trying to cope with 2 under 2. But what I’ve learnt is that you are living with your own mum, you may want to be firmer with her in terms of words. I feel that my parents are just telling me things along the line that “last time was tougher, last time I was taking care of children myself”, my reply will be “last time virus and bacteria also not that potent. Last time police use shorts, last time 10cent for a bowl of noodle.” Don’t feel that you are useless, you maybe going through some post natal blue but I am pretty sure you are doing your best for you 2 children. Ignore people who are comparing, these people are everywhere. Sometimes is better that we have our own space with our own family that we created. No one judge, no one talks s*** that we don’t need to hear. I know, is not that we don’t care about our partner. We also want them to eat well given that they are consider the bread winner for the house. We just don’t want to give them additional stress and don’t want to spend, yet when they step in and help we feel happy but guilt because we are SAHM. No one will truly understand what it feels like to be a SAHM unless they go through it, and the type of stress we face 24hours. I didn’t ask anyone for any help because everyone does it differently. I rather have it tough, because I face it myself, I control my emotions myself, I say what I want, I do what I want. No one need to know what I am going through, no one needs to empathise with me because this is how unwanted judgement, stigma, prejudice comes about even with our own family, yes the family we come from. So I rather have it myself, tough is on me, easy is also on me. No one shares my success not my failure. The only person that I will ask help and seek understanding is from my spouse, he is the rightful one. You do you. A lot of the older generation are narcissistic parents, my parents included so don’t be afraid to set boundaries and stand firm with what you want even if it offends them it doesn’t mean that we don’t love them or we are not thankful for them. We grow up and change our perspective and how to deal with our daily lives. Hang in there! Reach out to rant to people who share the same thoughts as you so you don’t feel alone. With much love from another SAHM 💕💕

Sorry that you had to go through this while juggling two kids under 2. In my POV since you are staying with your mum then you have to help you when needed. I don't say she helps you most of the time but when necessary. As you mentioned you need to do chores, cooking, feeding, etc then she can help you too. For example if she cooks and you clean, you cook and she oversees your child. I mean yes we don't depend on mum. But in my POV instead of she comparing you and SIL, might as well help too right. Also learn to set a routine for your 14 months like waking up, bathing, breakfast/lunch/dinner, nap, playtime. If your #1 plays in the play pen then you do other chores but at the same time within your eyesight. If your #2 sleeps after bathing, milk then you settle what is needed like I mentioned chores, cooking, or attending to #1. Can't deny it is not easy but do as much as you can, plan your to do list, set timer like 1 hr to do house reset/cooking/lunch while kids are sleeping. While it is not easy for everyone, it is duable and sets your own pace. Also learning to let go and have little me time for your own. I have two kids but 5 years apart. But I do still have to do a lot while working from Mon to Thur and only having to settle everything over the weekend like chores, laundry, cleaning, etc. My #2 I follow her IFC routine while my #1 plays on her own. I settle as much as I can. Otherwise Ill wait for them to sleep and I do it. Hope this helps. Don't be stressed but take it slowly, and trial/error.

Dear mum, Hugs & kudos to you.. I also cannot imagine how you manage to handle your kids with a close age gap without getting proper help. Sorry to hear that you are not getting enough support from your family and what more is ur own mum (unless she's too old / disable). Hence, you need to share your feelings and responsibilities with your husband -whichever housework that he could also do - please help. And please ignore whatever negative judgemental comment from your mum (if she is not helping you) - to "fatten" his own grandson. What's most important, your son is growing healthily. Nobody is perfect. I guess people just need to stop comparing from one another as their condition and ability is different from others. And there's nothing to feel sorry if you need to share your feelings. Our family members may not understand until we share what's bugging on our mind. Do not handle your kids alone if you are under stress. The best is to pass over to someone else until your mind is emotionally stable. As I mentioned earlier, please get help for you to get yourself (back) in the right track. This phase shall pass. Stay strong mummy. We can do this together. 🦾🫂💖 - mum of 2 (who also ever struggled)

hello! i think your feelings are totally understandable. i was struggling in the first three months with just my one child, until i sent him to infant care. pls remember that the postpartum phase is also supposed to be a period of rest and recovery for you. i wonder if you could try to get more help for housework and caring for your toddler? if your mum and sis-in-law are willing, do activate them more often during these few months, so that you can get more rest, esp during this newborn phase where they feed/pee/poop/cry so frequently. we are all extra-sensitive to comments because we are still super-hormonal after giving birth. hopefully your mum can be more understanding. do try telling her that you will really appreciate more help from her/your sis-in-law for these few months.

You need to understand that every household is different, everybody is different, and every baby/toddler is different. You’re burnt out and under a lot of stress. Maybe only do the necessary housechores for now. Maybe send your toddler for a sleepover at your sil on weekends. Maybe change your mindset that your husband is “helping” you with child care. He’s the husband and father, he SHOULD also share the responsibilities fairly. You have to be healthy from the inside out in order for your children to thrive. Take good care of yourself.

i get lots of help too 🙏💕

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