Am I an asshole for this

I’m a ftm and have anxiety issues. My son, now 7 weeks old, was hospitalised due to a few hysterical crying episodes where he held his breath abit, and also caught a cold. I was told by doctors that people can still pass a virus even if they don’t show symptoms, but have been in contact with someone who has it. It’s been a week since my son has been discharged, and we are supposed to go back for NYE BBQ at my husband’s place. But my SIL claims that her husband has a mild flu. SIL says she can ask her husband not to come, which I felt isn’t right. So initially I said, we can give it a miss, anyway we meet them every week. Then when my husband insisted, I told him, as a precautionary measure, to ask my SIL and their 2 kids (who just recovered from a bad flu), to wear mask. My husband said I’m being unreasonable, but I feel that I need to be more kiasu, cos I’m really traumatised by the hospitalisation, plus our son was born at 37 weeks, & I hardly have any BM to feed him and boost his immunity, so his immune system is not as good. The problem I’m facing is mostly from my in-laws’ lack of empathy & understanding. I’ve been traumatised by them quite a fair bit but my husband is always siding with them and gets into very fierce fights (non-physical) cos of them. We reached a point where we almost divorced a couple of times cos of them already , & I’m feeling very helpless. #bantusharing #AdvisePlease

Vô danh

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Understand you have anxiety issues, and since I dont have it, I cannot imagine and not sure what fears you may be going through. So my opinion may nt sit well with you. But I still would like to present an alternative view to you. From my point of view though, viruses are everywhere. Getting sick is always a matter of time, and all we can do is to minimise the exposure within whats reasonable that is within our control while not imposing inconveniences to other people. Because frankly, this world does not revolves around anybody no mater how pathetic or victimised the person is. doing so will only make us less in ctrl and be more upset. You can say better be safe than sorry. But everyday when you go out, how sure are you that you are not in contact with someone with any virus or u r not an asymptomatic carrier of a virus? Will you then not touch or go near your child at all? Better be safe than sorry isnt it? If your colleague is sick today and still goes to work, are you going to take leave stay home just to avoid her so you wont catch the bug and pass to ur child in case ur child hospitalised again? Is ur husband going to do that if it is his colleague? So yes, I personally feel your requests is rather over the top. I get that your are traumatised to see you child hospitalised. But getting sick is something you can never prevent unless you fully place him in an isolated sterile room. Your child is only 7weeks old now and he still have a long life ahead of him. How long do you think u can requests people to wear mask for him? What I will do instead is to check with the doctor what is the root cause for the hospitalisation. if it is purely due to very bad bug, then its ok bcoz the bug is bad and hospitalisafion is expected. But if it is not, then find out what is the underlying health prblm that cause this and tackle it. example, due to pure immunity, then improve it. I will still bring him to the bbq session, but minimise the passing around. since he is 7 weeks old, he is probably just slping most of the time. if you worrjed ppl will touch him when place in pram, then wrap him. putting him close to you, you can reject ppl frm touching him immediately, and also prevent ppl frm wanting to touch him. also, its is normal tt, w a 7wks babg in tow, its v difficult to see past these thing and our anxiety and mother instincts r the strongest espcially if u r a first time mom. its nt easy, n it also took me sometime to learn to relax and nt jump at every single red dot i see.. ('oh, hands like gt 1 red dot. isit hfmd? let me bring my child to the dr nw.') All thes best to you!

Better safe than sorry. If your hub insisted on going, can ask him to go alone and try to avoid arguments then. When bb was newborn, we made people sanitize hands before carrying him because we were fearful of COVID. Especially after the hospitalization experience you've had, you're absolutely not overreacting imo.

Vô danh

2y trước

Thank you for your understanding. My husband and I spoke to some peers in similar situations and subsequently realised it and we didn’t go in the end.

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