Mums shoulder the heavy lifting in parenthood?

Hubby recently asked me to pass newborn shopping list (painfully collated my my friend for me as I was a new mother and feeling lost) to him so he can pass to his friend, even recommending our confinement nanny and asking if we can pass any of the items we no longer want to his friend who is having a baby. I couldn’t take it anymore and told him off, while I’m totally fine that he’s feeling concern for his friend I resent the fact that he’s more concerned about them then his own daughter. I told him why are you so concerned about your friend and not your own LO? Instead of asking your other friends who have kids for advice for your daughter (our lo is 6mths old) to find out what she needs at each stage you can’t even be bothered and all you do is forward me links to ask if we need anything. He said that’s becoz I’m doing a better job. I told him I’m a new parent too the only difference is I can be bothered to find out from friends, forums, internet and you don’t! You should be more proactive - parenthood is meant to be partnership and right now it feels like I’m a sole proprietor! - Frustrated new mum

Mothers get the lion share as they are first in contact with us and thus bond better with us. Although we may need to do the bulk of things when baby is young (feed, bathe, change nappy, play, sleep together) and nearly with baby 24h, there are times when hubby feel fearful of handling little one and feels that mothers handle it better. However to get out of that cycle, encourage hubby to try out the less "risky" tasks eh to put on clothes for little one, put on diapers, prepare formula milk, or prepare dry clothes and warm water for bath. Then as you continue to dress baby, tell your baby that hubby helped to prepare all those things (make sure hubby can hear and is watching how you do it), then let him try the next time. Some guys need longer time to adjust before they help you. Do keep happy thoughts and stay strong. You are a wonderful mum and your little one will surely feels your love for her. If really need help, then do speak to your hubby.

While I'm the primary caregiver of our 3YO, I do get plenty of me time. I feel like I go out to meet my friends more than he does. He is still hands on with our girl - playing with her etc, although we stopped letting daddy do bath times and more intimate stuff as we want to teach her about privacy. Other than that, hubs is the more patient one out of the both of us, meaning he is the one that coax her to sleep when I can't do it and carries her when we are out. On top of that, he is the one that works more hours a weeks than I do. I guess it's just how you work out the arrangement.

Not sure this is true. My husband did all nappy changes and is incharge of taking my daughter to the potty now. I only handle nappy and potty when he’s not around. He also drops her to school in the morning and takes her for gym over the weekend while I sleep in. I handle the post work “shift” I think it really depends on your spouse :)

Dear mum, It very much depends on couple to couple but yes agreed that men and women are different in their own way when it comes to ways of thinking and managing. So if this is the case then I would discuss things straight with my husband on how to go along in managing all things together

True to a certain extent but I think sometimes women need to talk to their husbands about parenting responsibilities and not suffer in silence. Not all husbands are hands on dads bUt we need to give them a chance and also time to pick up. Do not adopt the "he can't do it" attitude.

You can sit down with your husband and define how you want to divide the chores and responsibilities. Don’t suck em In and keep the unhappiness inside. It is not fair to you Nor to your husband

If my husband did this, I’m forcing him to hire us a helper. Since he’s the one who insists not to hire helper in the first place and says he will do everything.

I totally feel you. Well think of it this way, your kids will alway prefer you to their dad.

Just eat smaller portion and have like congee and mee sua. Food that are easily digestible.