Just heartbroken. Needed to rant

I need to let this out my chest. Been crying till I couldn’t breathe. I have suffered so many during the course of my 5 yr marriage. Being lied to, cheated on, hurt physically emotionally and mentally. But i still took him in, still forgives him and give my all as wife everyday. Just recently i told him as i aged (i am in mid 30s) i noticed an increasingly amount of jealousy. I have never not once been a jealous person but on 2 separate occasions i TOLD him i felt a certain way when he was acting strangely. Told him nicely at first but he is lousy dont know how to calm my overthinking mind. i went through so much in the past of course i still have that trauma. And just this second time i showed my jealousy, when he was videocalling me and his friend came and he muted the call, i asked him and his reason was nonsense- coz of some vulgarity as though im a kid. And just this 2nd time i sulk, he said this to me “please stop before i stop having feelings for u” just this 2 times. After many yrs together. But i. Went through. Years of pain. I had to live through the pain of living with someone who caused me a painful past. Flashbacks after flashbacks. I may be stupid for forgiving him but i have children so it is not as easy as walking out and goodbye. I am just so upset that i am not able to put in words. Am I overreacting? Its just twice. On separate occasions. I didnt sleep with anybody unlike him. But this 2 times, i gave in and apologised. In fact, 99% of our arguments i would be the first to say sorry and move on. Why is my life so miserable. I am just really sad for myself.

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Leopard will never change its spots. Ur RS with him is already scarred, think it thoroughly if this is the life u wan at the age of mid 40’s. Also, with such unhealthy RS, it probably worst for the kids. What will the kids think, what will they feel, how if affects their point of view in life. Tell urself that least ur kids are healthy, they are the most impt in ur life right now, dun waste ur time in worrying something that cheats, and threaten to divorce.

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