Just heartbroken. Needed to rant

I need to let this out my chest. Been crying till I couldn’t breathe. I have suffered so many during the course of my 5 yr marriage. Being lied to, cheated on, hurt physically emotionally and mentally. But i still took him in, still forgives him and give my all as wife everyday. Just recently i told him as i aged (i am in mid 30s) i noticed an increasingly amount of jealousy. I have never not once been a jealous person but on 2 separate occasions i TOLD him i felt a certain way when he was acting strangely. Told him nicely at first but he is lousy dont know how to calm my overthinking mind. i went through so much in the past of course i still have that trauma. And just this second time i showed my jealousy, when he was videocalling me and his friend came and he muted the call, i asked him and his reason was nonsense- coz of some vulgarity as though im a kid. And just this 2nd time i sulk, he said this to me “please stop before i stop having feelings for u” just this 2 times. After many yrs together. But i. Went through. Years of pain. I had to live through the pain of living with someone who caused me a painful past. Flashbacks after flashbacks. I may be stupid for forgiving him but i have children so it is not as easy as walking out and goodbye. I am just so upset that i am not able to put in words. Am I overreacting? Its just twice. On separate occasions. I didnt sleep with anybody unlike him. But this 2 times, i gave in and apologised. In fact, 99% of our arguments i would be the first to say sorry and move on. Why is my life so miserable. I am just really sad for myself.