14 Replies
This is a tricky situation. Did you communicate directly to your MIL about your intention to latch after work? Try to convince her by telling her your reasons behind (e.g. want to bond with baby etc.). I believe your MIL has no bad intention also. Both your MIL and yourself want the best for the baby. There was once my grandmother who is taking care of my baby insisted to feed formula milk at night and claimed that it will make baby to feel fuller and sleep well. I convinced her by telling her my intention in breastfeeding (i.e. want to establish supply, giving my best milk to baby and etc.) and finally she understood my intentions. In addition, you can try to get your MIL to note down the feeding times while you are at work, so both of you can work out a feeding schedule to cater for your need to latch after back from work.
okay so instead of assuming your MIL is doing this to keep baby to herself and away from you, i will give you another perspective. when we as moms spend our maximum time with the baby, we too feel that it is only us who knows the baby's needs best. also, even when our babies are happy and playing, we feel it is time for them to feed and rest and sleep and so on. since your MIL cares for your baby the entire day, it is possible that by the end of it when you reach home, she feels even if baby is playful, it is time for baby to rest. i won't say that she should keep doing this and take away time from you, but maybe she is genuinely caring? please talk to her nicely and tell her what you want and how you too will put baby to rest once you play a little :)
Probably, your MIL thinks that if then kid would only want to be breastfed and what will she do when you will not be around. Say, if he is used to having your milk when you come home, but if by chance someday you get late in office, then it will be difficult for her to manage the child. You can latch him on the next feed after coming home. Also, try making your MIL understand that you want to feed him to strengthen the bond with your baby, and breast feeding does that. On Sundays, you can read some research saying this, or can show her a video showing this. And if you do not want to tax yourself so much, you can simply tell your husband your point of view and he can communicate that to his mother in his own way. Let the son handle the situation.
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For me, whenever the MIL is involved, I tend to get my partner to deal with her. I just don't have the energy to argue with her because she's the sort that is opinionated and always wanna have the last word in. Annoying and I can never win so I let her son talk some sense into her. At the end of the day, it is your child and it is up to you how you raise your child and I agree with one of the mommies above - to deny you the right to breastfeed your child is simply mean.
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talk to her directly, nicely but firmly. i guess even if you ask your hubby to do the talk, MIL will realize it's you who put him up to it. tell her that you really cannot thank her enough for looking after the baby so well, but when you are back, you want to feed and cherish the moments your way, to create your bonding time. be blunt about it if she still doesn't listen, and take your baby in your arms and get in the room to breastfeed.
My sister in law did the same to me. Although, i pumped out the breast milk in bottles, she just refused to feed my baby with the EBM. She rather fork out money to buy formua for my baby. What to do when u meet all these people:( So i understand your feelings. Why don't u try to come back at different timings everyday, sometimes earlier and sometimes abit late. Let them catch no ball your timings of coming home.....
If your mother in law refuses to heed your decision of latching your child after you return from work, then it is better to seek alternative child care arrangements. I'm sure she wants the best for the child, but denying you of a basic right to breastfeed is just cruel. Also, grandparents should understand that the child belongs to its parents and not them.
Mummies in their era have been brainwashed tgat formula milk are better than breast milk... is difficult to avoid direct confrontation... try to ask hubby to mediates in between to avoid tension...is ur child, naturally u would want the best for ur little one.