26 Replies
Poor thing. Here’s a fact though. Many men do not understand what their wives are feeling or thinking unless it’s clearly spelt out for them. I once thought that for my husband to show me he loves me, he needs to understand me and show empathy and be sensitive to my needs and feelings. But, I realised that most of the time, he really can’t pick up my subtle cues and hints. And my husband is actually really, really loving and kind. I needed to change how I express myself and just tell him plainly how I was feeling, and not hold it all in. During my first pregnancy, one day, I was so fatigued that I broke down when it was time to cook dinner. He had always assumed that I was fine, and was in fact hurrying me to cook dinner that day. I came back out of the kitchen, went up to him, cried and said I couldn’t do it. He was really stunned, never expecting me to feel that way. And you know what? From that day on, he’s watched countless youtube videos on cooking and he’s the one that cooks most of our meals now, even 4 years later! (He even prepared the baby food from scratch 😄) I’m not saying your husband will definitely respond in the same way, but if he’s hurt you by what he said, the best way to build your relationship is true honest communication. Let him know gently and respectfully that he’s hurt you very deeply, also sharing how much pain you’ve been having this pregnancy and how you’ve been trying to remain strong, but it’s difficult. Ask him whether it’s alright for him to share your burdens, whether it’s caring for your toddler, or giving you hugs and encouragement, or giving massages, etc. If your husband treasures you, this may open up a new chapter in your lives together on how both of you take care of each other. I know we’re all strangers here, but we’re here for you okay? I had terrible pain my entire 2nd pregnancy too. I couldn’t wait for the 9 months to be over.. but now when I look at my cute LO, “Okay, you were worth all the pain 😅”
Can feel you. Stay strong mama! i think i agree with the others that men are really quite oblivious towards things like that. When i broke the news to hubs that i’m pregnant, he threw the test back at me and turned around to face the wall. His reaction isn’t what i expected and was quite upsetting that he don’t share the same excitement. Later that week, he went around telling our close friends that i’m pregnant. i think he was in a lot of shock that we got pregnant on the first try. He also didn’t ask me much about pregnancy or babies development etc up till today. i’m the one feeding him with info mostly. i think just be upfront with him, what you need and update him of your well being everyday like you’re nauseous etc. and cry if you need to release, in front of him.
From experience, most men are really oblivious, especially when they are not feeling the pain themselves and they are not made aware of it. You need to communicate this to your husband more if it hasn't already. Cry in front of him if you have to, rather than on your own behind his back. Make your needs and pain known to him. Women tend to think that we are super and can tahan everything to the point that men think everything automatically gets done. Don't need to be that superwoman! Post here if u need help or just to rant. I guarantee almost every mum to be would have a similar experience.
You should talk to your husband. Being pregnant is no easy task, esp when we get our morning sickness, fatigue, backaches, heartburn etc. Afterall, it takes two to tango. Doesn’t mean deed is done, then all’s yours to manage. Jiayou mummy! You know you are stronger than this too. Pls get your rest when needed. You must take care of urself first, otherwise how to look after a 15mo and a growing baby in you, ya? God bless :)
Don’t bottle it up. I think you need to sit down and have a honest talk and discussion with your husband about your true feelings and emotions. Let him know how you truly feel and how he can help you feel better and help out at home too when your no. 2 comes along. If not, these negative feelings will build up and lead to resentment and depression. Marriage is a continuous learning journey and communication is key!
Have a good talk with him, tell him how you feel; and how and what he should help. He is part of the family. It is nothing wrong for him to take care of the elder and let you rest. Think he doesn't know a pregnant lady is one leg step into coffin and how tough to be pregnant. Hope his attitude will change soon. Jia You💪 Many people here will dote you.
You husband sounds like a SADIST to me. Who like to see own wife suffer in pain. He need to reflect himself for family betterment. If he is so selfish and reluctant to help around, children probably won't respect him when they grown up. Relaxing pregnancy means you're now better at managing you life. This is something to be proud of. Cheers mama😘
When I read your post, I can feel how hurtful and heartbroken you are right now. Its ok, just pour out here, we will lend you our shoulder. Be strong ok. We are here for you. If you feel too overwhelmed, cry. You will feel better.
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Talk to him. Why bother to have 2nd baby when he is like tis. Parenting should not be like tis. Why not hire a helper if finance is not a prob. Or go call helpline for help. Maybe can go counselling it might help.