I feel you. My husband used to be like that but happy to share that he improve quite a lot over the past two years. For my firstborn, he is totally hand off. However, for my second child he is my confinement "man" and nanny. I used to nag and nag at home to stop doing something which I realised it only push him over and make him stop wanting to help. Hence, I make a shift in my way of communication; instead of asking for help to take care of children. I request him to do his part as a Father by first playing with the kids and praise him on that.
When my children are bigger, I told them to send voice or video messages to him when they missed him. Slowly, the bonding is there and my husband start to treasure their time together as he hardly have time for them now due to busy work schedule. As mine are two girls, maybe daddy tends to love girls more since they know how to make him feel "important" with the sweet sweet words.
I guess you can sit down with him to understand how he feel and want to parent your kids together. Nobody know your husband more than you, you just need some time to calm down and find a way to get him "work for you" without noticing it. :-)
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