Unreasonable MIL

My hubby and I bought a big enough house to accommodate my parents & sis in law. Total of 4 bedrooms - 3 taken by my in laws and 1 for ourselves & 9mo son. In order to help my pil retire comfortably in the next 2 years, we decided to let them stay together with us and rent their own house out as a mean to collect passive income for retirement. Fast forward 1 year later, things got very uncomfortable to continue staying together. My mil brings up money matters to argue with us every other day. Back ground info - She's working full time at home with 3k+ income, has an allowance of $500 from my hubby, rental income of 2.3k (to spilt with my fil) but v unhappy to be spending the money to buy groceries and cook for our family of 6 (approx. 6 times a week for dinner only). We also hired a helper to look after the baby to relieve my mil from child caring duties while both of us continues to work. Me and my hubby paid for the SP bills, conservancy fees, Internet bill and buy rice, cooking oil, washing detergents, tissue paper for the household. I don't mind losing out a little in terms of money but she has been giving me a lot of unhappiness. I cannot comment on how she oversees my helper and cares for my son. In short, I'm supposed to close 1 eye in everything that she does. The best is not to make any comments at all. Our differences are increasing gradually. This got magnified further with an incident that happened on sunday. My friend surprised me with a upsized cup of bubble tea and I met her at the mall to collect it. When I returned home, my sil was very angry that I didn't get one for her (I will always get an additional cup for her whenever I buy one for myself) and slammed her bedroom door (I didn't know this until my mil texted my hubby the next day to tell him about this). My mil said that it's my fault that I didn't even ask to share some with my sil and if I were to only get one cup, I must go up to my room and drink discreetly. What will you do if this happens to u?

15 Replies

Woah I’m shook by how self entitled and petty they are? Would your SIL share a friend’s gift with you? So much drama over a cup of bubble tea, seriously. It’s very kind of you and your husband to have gotten a house and helper to accommodate all of them, including SIL?! Honestly, do you and husband have to pay for SIL wedding or house next time ☹️☹️ I think they are used to taking advantage of you and husband that they have lost basic respect for others so naturally when things don’t go their way, they won’t be understanding. That’s your house and you paid with money, how can they deny you the rights to drink something in living room. Ridiculous. Even a foreigner helper has the human right to do so. Anyway you are the child’s mummy, why should you be forced to close one eye? You’re so nice to give in to them so that your husband won’t be stuck in between. I believe you’ll have to communicate with your husband because long way down the road, it won’t be healthy environment for you and your child. I certainly won’t want my child to have warped values for such in-laws. Sorry to say this.

VIP Member

I feel so indignant for you. Your MIL is taking advantage of you! First, you should have a say in how you want your son to be taken care of and not let your MIL do what she wants. Second, if she is so concerned about the money she spent on groceries, perhaps you can ask your husband to reimburse her for the groceries or cut her allowance so that you can buy the groceries instead. Lastly, your SIL is very petty and MIL is biased and they simply ignored the fact that the bubble tea is a gift from your friend. Instead of feeling happy for you, they made you feel like crap. I am so sorry for you. Can you talk to your husband about this and for him to speak to his mother? I really hope that this housing arrangement is temporary and you will be able to lead a happier life with your husband and baby soon!

my mil tend to ask my husband money when we are very tight with it. my husband from young didn’t ask her for money as she was in jail most of the time and had to go around ask for money, when my husband don’t give she tend to say now got family blahblah eventually my husband say her back and she spread around telling people another story. she chase us out and ask us to move it which i told my husband no, she try to visit baby 1-2 time at my place without informing and my husband get mad and told her off. whenever she try to video call my husband and ask where am i, i walk out of the room. she keep telling my husband she want to see baby and me but i don’t want to as she treat me like s*** when i pregnant with a girl

Has this situation before, my wife's sister stayed with us & there was unhappiness, decided enough was enough and asked her to shift out and had peace ever since. Talk to your hubby nicely & Calmly, remember don't quarrel, quarrel only worsen matters. There are few choices: 1) Your hubby (Not you) to get Your MIL, FIL & SIL shift out 2) You & Your hubby shift out & down size to smaller flat but get peace of mind & your own privacy 3) If your hubby disagree & don't want to help you, perhaps consider shift back to your parents home temporarily to get some peace first? BTW, you been nice. If were me, I might have confronted them, to me they seem arrogant and way too much. Hope things get better for you!

No point talking. It won't helps. If it helps only surface and for the time being. Later part still the same. Move house. Say that both of your income being deducted or whatsoever reason. Anyway don't need to tell them so detail as u don't own them. Move house settle. If your in law wan to look after baby then carry on with helper everyday drive up n down. Or u quit your job or stay put as of now. Staying with them is like this. No matter how u close one eye also no use. They always have something to say or to pick on u. Why bother so much. N also don't let your hubby caught in between. I move out. I am so happy now.

VIP Member

Unreasonable and so childish for your MIL & SIL to react in such manner. Like u mentioned the BBT was bought by your friend. So meaning if u we to buy your own food each and everytime u cant buy only for yourself but have to buy for your whole entire family? Considering the fact that your MIL cooks almost daily dinner but you are still paying for the rest of the things, i don't find it unreasonable. If i'm u and things turn ugly then i will just cope myself in the room or do things in the house in my way since its my house. So if my PIL are unhappy they can move out without me saying anything

You're a good daughter-in-law 👍👏. I think your husband is stuck in between and will be ugly and tarnished the relationship if to ask them move back to their own house. You may want to explore the possibility to change to a smaller unit so that they have no choice but to move back to their own house.

Am quite amazed by the fact that your MIL is working and still can cook dinner for your family. My MIL is a housewife and can even complain about cooking meals daily. Anyway, on a happier note, do they move out after the two years rental?

VIP Member

Nothing will ever get through to this kind of people. Also, your SIL is so immature. Whether you buy for her or not, is entirely up to you. You shouldn’t even be obliged to do so. Sigh.

you’re too kind... but if your husband is with you n standing on the same side as you then things r definitely gonna be ok no matter what

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