Your elder daughter used to enjoy 100% full undivided attention from Mummy and Daddy for 3 years. But now, she has to share the attention with a baby who requires a lot more attention. She is probably feeling hurt and lonely and having a hard time adjusting to the situation which explains why she refuses to touch / share / play with her little sister.
As much as you tell her you love her, actions speak louder than words! Hug her more, show her more attention, attend to her needs first so that she feels more secure and loved. She must feel understood and acknowledged by Mummy and Daddy. See if you or your husband can have a routine of spending time with her one on one on a daily basis. It will definitely get better but you need to be patient with her.
Examples: Don’t tell her she is a big sister and need to love and take care of her sister. She is still a young child herself and requires a lot of love and care. When she suddenly have to wait for Mummy and Daddy’s help and attention all the time because of the baby, she will grow to dislike her sibling. It’s also natural for her to wonder if you would still be there for her when she really needs you. So tell her, “If you need Mummy, I will always come as soon as I can.” and try to play with her to connect with her, have fun and make her laugh during those moments.
You can also try telling her that it’s normal to feel angry or jealous and acknowledge that it’s is hard for her and give her time to accept her sister. Don’t rush things too!
As you connect and laugh with her, and acknowledge her feelings, her hurt and loneliness will begin to heal. Your love and patience will also help her to come to like her sister too.
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Mum of 2