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Husband's Text With Friends

What's your opinion on your husband texting his friends about some random strangers he saw on the street? (when you're pregnant and stuck at home) with descriptions like 'saw a solid chiobu wearing sleeveless tank top and tight pants' and when the friend commented that 'can see but can't touch', your husband agrees. Below is the screenshot of the conversation. Orange is the husband. The rest are 2 of his frens. Update: His replies were expected. Says it's casual thrash talk n this is the way they talk. It's been rough 2 days of grilling him. Now he admits he is an idiot for typing this. Should I still trust him? I usually don't check his phone. It's due to a few reasons this time that I did and i didn't regret it a single bit. If he has nothing to hide. He didnt get angry n defensive at all and allows me to look at his phone every now and then. Perhaps I don't like to live in a delusional state and believe my life is perfect and fairytale like. I'm towards the belief that husbands and wives should be opened about everything. Not about no trust. Especially the divorce and number of cheating spouses rate is so high now. Update 2: Found out he also badmouthed about myself and my parents all these while when my parents have been nice to him. He also did not show any displeased about them so there wasn't any hint nor did he mentioned abt any unhappiness to me at all. He said he has regretted his action and exited and deleted the toxic chat group. He also said he will focus on me n the baby after this episode. I hope this is the end of the horrible chapter. Everything has deeply affected me so much. Having to believe everything was perfect and all but was hit with the very ugly truth.

Anonymous

Preggers

6 Replies

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Honestly, it's really not a big deal. We have to recognise that there are attractive people around and being humans we are wired to look. Expecting your partner to have eyes only for you is naive and an over-expectation. Women drool over K-Pop singers as well but just don't talk as freely with friends. Most men & women don't have any ability to pursue these attractions. If we do, then it calls for your disappointment. The best way around this is to talk to him. Show him people you find attractive too. Share the experience in recognising good looking people together. Get his opinion on attractive men and women. (also, if he finds a woman attractive that does not look like you, it doesn't make you any less attractive. Everyone is attractive in different ways) Also, you really should not be going through his texts with his friends. If you find something, you'd be upset. If you don't find anything, you may think he's deleted his chats. Nothing good can come out of it.

Anonymous

*we trust each other rs. Bcos I've seen lots..

Hi thanks for sharing. I’m someone of low self esteem/ insecure as well so can totally uds how you’re feeling. At the start of our rls, it was difficult for both parties because I never agree with such catcalling/ superficial discussions of other women. Like what you wanna do sia with all these “dirty” thinkings. And pornography is a huge taboo for me. I got even more paranoid when he and friends visited nightclubs FML. Just so upsetting. We communicated a lot and tried our best to understand our diff emotions towards diff issues. It took us years to come to where we are now. And yes like your husband, I can anytime use his phone or computer and passwords to all things. I’m thankful for his efforts for easing my insecurities like no more pubs or clubs or unnecessary looking and “trash talking” on other strangers. Now with this long CB, I find it a great opportunity for us to bond tgt and have more open communication with one another.

Anonymous

Good for you! I hope it stays this way for you especially given we belonged to the slightly over thinking and lower self esteem group. The kind of thoughts that run through every other day is like causing so much unneccesary stress. Like why can't it be a auto and mutual thing without us having to even set the rules even in the first place.

I think it is very disrespectful of your husband towards you because he is the one who texted his friends abt the girl he jz saw. Whethr you found out or not, it is disrespectful. He's sorry cz he got caught. That's all. But jz let him know how you feel. No need to fight. Of course everyone is attractive in their own ways, but you dont have to talk aboutit to your friends and lead it to something over. Married ppl should learn to if accidentally saw, just drop it after. Forget abt it righ away. Because they have someone better, and that is their spouse. That is loyalty, that is respect. Your husband better dont repeat that. Forgive once, not twice.

Anonymous

Yes he's sorry cos he got caught. That's so true! And yes respect is the key word. It should be done without us having to set the rules in the first place. It's just sad that people overlooked this.

VIP Member

If he let's you see hp.. why not? I mean.. he is not guilty so he knows what he can do and cant.. let him know you dun like it. He wont do it again I guess

valim1990

Hmmmm... do you not trust him? Have he done something wrong that he is not trustworthy? You're pregnant he should be more sensitive but pregnancy do also cause mental stress hence doubt

At least he's honest with you. I think all guys talk about girls so unavoidable. As long as he doesn't cheat

Anonymous

Admitting that he's an idiot. If it happens again, then it's really an issue

VIP Member

If he nv go up to that chiobu and get her number then its still ok ba.

Anonymous

Totally agree with Anonymous. He does have d intention. It is not "oh it's still ok, bullshit." It is NOT OK. This is only one lady. How many others have he had the eyes for. And wife is pregnant now and he cannot wait???! What F Nonsense is that. Betrayer. I hope he really stop his nonsense.

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