What are the best dad jokes you have heard?

My whole life... has been built just for this moment. 1)Grandad at my Grandma's funeral Family friend: Are you alright? Grandad: No, I'm half left. 2)Two goldfish are in a tank, one turns and says to the other, "I'll man the gun, you steer" 3)Every time we passed by a cemetery, "people are dying to get in there" 4)Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side 5)Dad: When this heals, will I be able to play the piano? Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days. Dad: Perfect, I've always wanted to be able to play an instrument 6)Reversing the car "Ahh, this takes me back." 7)Holding a step ladder "this is my step ladder... I never knew my real ladder." 8)Call me a taxi. "You're a taxi" 9)my dad and I walk into the bathroom Dad: So did they tell you about this place? Me: No, what do they say? Dad: I hear this is where the dicks hang out. 10)I asked my dad to make me a sandwich, he said:"Abracadabra you are a sandwich."

This is one I like.. The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.”Yes,” he said. “I do. My father taught me.” “Good. What comes after three.” “Four,” answers the boy. “What comes after six?” “Seven.” “Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?” “A Jack.”

Because I support children who plan ahead :) A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were. “Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…” “Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him. “ …Which bus would I take home?”

Teacher calls dad up to have a chat because of the kids attitude: Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

By combing all the major social media networks, we can help businesses achieve online visibility and build a loyal fanbase. From targeting Facebook to Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, and more. https://www.objectual.pk/CMS

My future father in law said this when we bought him one of those wireless things that allow him to change tv channels via his ipad and phone. I laughed so hard because it was so bad, it's good.

My dad once sent me a PM on facebook asking what a PM is. (HAHA) He is effortlessly funny. :) But, to answer your question, let me share my favorite funny Dad text of all time...

Heard this from a friend :') “Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”

My partner thinks this is genius: “A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’”

Dad asked: "Have you heard of the new movie Constipation?" Me: "erm.. no?" Dad: "It never came out"