Not sure what are your needs but perhaps you could consider getting a part-time helper instead? Those who comes in once or twice a week to help clean the house. Living together is always tricky and would bound to bring about friction. Hence, if you are just looking for someone to help with the household chores, part-time helpers could be an option to consider. However, if you need someone to help with taking care of your mother-in-law and children, I suggest you let your husband handle your mother-in-law when it comes to issues related to the helper. He would know better how to handle his mother and you could minimize unnecessary arguments with her. Best not to let the helper strain your relationship between you and your mother-in-law. Hang in there!!
My mil doesn't like all my helpers except the v first one who finished contract 5 years ago to go home. Mil will complain practically Everything and anything about the rest of the helpers. We found the current helper good though she has her weaknesses too. To min our conflicts, I had to ask my hub to talk to her on how difficult it is to find a suitable helper and we had changed 3 helpers in a year just because she dislikes this one and that one. Mil has her expectations and I tried as much as possible not to add on to my hub's stress and think positively. You are not alone, just have to manage your mil.
In cases with difficult in-laws, I'd always advocate getting your partner/husband to step in. In my experience, this method will make things easier, less complicated and definitely helpful if you are afraid of being confrontational. Perhaps your husband can spin the situation to your advantage by telling his mother that since he has hired the helper for everyone's benefit, it's only fair that your MIL go easy on the helper and not "scare" them away. Tell her that good helpers are hard to come by and she should TRY to get along with them.
It's difficult since your relationship with your MIL isn't on good terms in the first place, which makes it doubly hard when communicating on issues regarding the helper Since you hired the helper, the helper should listen to your instructions so she isn't obliged to listen to your MIL. The best solution is to move out, but if not, try to have a good discussion with your MIL. It's not healthy to be living in this tense atmosphere.
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