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It's always difficult when faced with such a combination. Writing helps. I suggest taking some time out to write down your thoughts for venting purpose. Also serves the purpose of recording all these episodes so that you can look back on these memories in future. Another way is to chat with your close friends. I find venting to girlfriends much better than to husband. Hubby tend to want to problem solve when sometimes, all you need is a listening ear. To stay calm, I will close my eyes, and take deep breaths. This is for immediate effect.. haha.. sometimes I will even tell myself (out loud) to "stay calm" or "calm down". Sounds kind of lame, but works quite well for me. :)
My best friend contacts me on Whatsapp or SKYPE whenever she needs to "escape" for a bit haha. Living abroad, I am not always privy to the ongoings in her life so talking to me gives her a new perspective on things. Plus, talking to a loved one so faraway, you'd usually just want to share the happier stuff so our conversations are always silly, always funny and always happy. This helps both of us relax and calm down if we are agitated.
My wife feels that being the one who's fully in-charge of our baby whether sick or not. I actually help her by bringing something home from work, like cakes, chocolates or icecream and she appreciates it. It somehow relieves the exhaustion and of course having a one on one conversation with her will also help. During the weekends, I give her free time and I fully take care of our baby.
I really need to step away when this happens and do something that I used to enjoy a lot before becoming a parent. I invite my sister for a coffee, I watch a 30-minute sitcom, I take a loooong hot bath, I do yoga. These don't really take a lot of time, but the break really helps as a "reset". I go back to my daughter refreshed and happy to see her again!
I would reach out to my close friends just to talk or invite them over to help me out if they are free - conversing with them or having any loved one around gives me the calming effect :)
GFs, BFFs or siblings! I find that it is very useful to talk to someone and just let out the frustrations... I always felt better after talking to people.
Six really deep breaths as prescribed by my doc!