The situation is very delicate and personal so any couple going through this will not share with many friends or relatives, it will mostly be their close circle who will know about it. It is a terrible loss and a big blow to both the husband and wife who would have built many dream castles about their future kid, about them as first time parents. However, it is further painful for the mother as she is going through it both physically and emotionally while the husband only goes through the latter. Here are some physical and emotional needs which I felt, in my experience, is what any woman would want post miscarriage.
Physical needs:
A woman's body goes through a lot of pain and changes during any miscarriage and it differs from person to person. In some cases, it is an invasive procedure while in some cases it happens naturally similar to the menstrual cycle but with excessive bleeding, pain and cramps. There will be hormonal changes, loss of nutrients, loss of blood, weakness, cramps, abdominal pain, dehydration and loss of weight in few cases. A woman will need the following to cope up with this physical trauma:
1. Good dose of supplements in terms of vitamins and other essential elements which will be prescribed by most of the doctors to bring back her system to normal as it was before the miscarriage so that her body is prepared to try again and bear a foetus.
2. Lots of water to cope up with excessive bleeding and dehydration
3. Healthy and nutritious diet rich in proteins, vitamins to rejuvenate the body and replenish the lost nutrients
4. Change in lifestyle in case the reason behind the miscarriage is due to overweight, hormonal imbalance, smoking/drinking, less daily activity or over intake of junk food.
5. Physical exercises after getting consent from the doctor when to start and what to do
Emotional needs:
It is a big disappointment not only for the woman but for everyone in the family including the husband, woman's parents and in laws. But the woman is not to be blamed as there is no 100% probability for a successful gestation. There are lot of natural factors in our body controlling it and it is just a trial and error like scenario to for a successful fertilization to happen and eventually a successful implantation of the foetus. In some cases (like mine) where the medical reason behind the multiple miscarriage is unknown. All the test results are good, couple is healthy following all precautions/doctor's advise but destined to go through this. Here are some emotional needs a woman needs, in my experience, to cope up with the unexpected loss:
1. Care, affection, support, help and what not from husband. A husband's situation is more difficult in this case as he is going through the same emotional distress as the wife and may not even have an opportunity to share what he is experiencing. However, a woman needs an extremely supportive husband to take care of her as she is physically and emotionally weak during this time.
2. Support from the family (parents and/or in-laws)by understanding her pain, speaking soothing words and most importantly assure her that she is not to blame and it is not really the end.
3. Medical advise/guidance from the gynaecologist by being transparent about the scenario, procedures to be done to handle the situation, medications to be taken and by providing clear detailed explanation as every woman is different and every miscarriage is different. My doctor clearly explained to me how the next 24-48 hours will be and what will be her next course of action based on the test results.
4. Comforting and motivational words from the gynaecologist as he/she is the first to tell us what has happened and he/she is the first person who a woman faces after hearing about the miscarriage (at times alone and not even with husband/family member). When my doctor confirmed the miscarriage, my husband was waiting outside and I burst into tears. It was my gynaecologist who comforted me first and told me this is not the end.
So I wish all the mothers-to-be to stay healthy, follow doctor's advise and get support from husband/family to get rejuvenated and try again to be successful this time.
ProudMommy