Grandma who doesn’t follow any rules

Hey other mums, how do you handle a grandma who basically doesn’t respect your parenting style and breaks all rules that you set up? For example 1. Letting your kid watch tv when she doesn’t usually get any screen time 2. Putting her to bed 2 hours after her usual bed time 3. Eating pancakes and chocolates and other junk that she usually doesn’t eat (though asks for) 4. Buys her dolls and princess toys and pink frilly clothes and calls her princess ( I am trying to raise an independent child who is gender neutral and hopefully likes STEM) My Daughter absolutely adores her grandma, and I know my mum loves my kid a lot too. But how do I get it into my mum that all of these rules in my home I set up are critical to me and whenever she “spoils” my child I end up having a tough time course correcting. Also my mums excuse is it’s fine, normal, she did it for me and I turned out fine. My argument is I turned out fine in spite and not because of all this. Plus the lack of routine, bad diets and bed times really did have a negative impact on me and has been something I have grappled with even as an adult. Pls advice. Am at my wits end and I don’t want to shout at my mum but I also know that speaking nicely doesn’t work.

Vô danh

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You probably don't want to hear this, but the only way is to set things firm and straight - it's not common, but there are people who just cut off all ties if their parents are unable to respect them and their parenting styles. For me, I live with my parents and it's really hard trying to tell them not to interfere with my parenting style, especially since I'm still "young" in their eyes and they have been following whatever methods they have for decades. While I can't just say I'd break ties with them, I do voice it out to them to respect me as my son's mother (they like to make decisions for him behind my back then only tell me when I ask, instead of asking about my plans and opinions). If something they do doesn't sit right with me, I'd make a fuss. And if they don't listen, I just take action. If it's toys he shouldn't be playing with, I'd give them away. If it's feeding formula over breast milk (they used to give formula when I was in school even though there was breast milk in the fridge because it's more "convenient" and "healthier"), I hide the formula in my drawer when I go to school. If it's weird traditional methods/food based on old tales, I just throw them away. Yes, it's not a good thing to do. And yes, it does create tension. But I don't like it when they overpower me as his parent, I don't want my son to grow up with the idea that he can go to them for things I don't allow - which is precisely what he's been doing so far because he knows my parents would allow him to do things. Like your idea of growing up without gender stereotypes, I do the same for my son in terms of gender and race too - and it can be really hard when our own parents are making remarks like "pink is for girls" or "the garangguni/bangla will catch you if you don't behave". The least we can do is to immediately correct it at the first opportunity - if it happens in front of you, respond calmly with "No, grandma - girls can like cars and trucks too!" (example).

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Home Random Talk other mums how handle grandma who basically doesnt respect your parenting style breaks rules that set example1 letting your kid watch tv when doesnt usually get screen time2 putting bed 2 hours after usual bed time 3 eating pancakes chocolates other junk that usually doesnt eat though asks 4 buys dolls princess toys pink frilly clothes calls princess i trying raise independent child who gender neutral hopefully likes stem daughter absolutely