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VIP Member

At the age of 2-3 years old, they're exploring who they can be - somewhat of an identity crisis if you will, where they kind of what to do everything themselves and be independent, but yet aren't always able to handle situations themselves/do what they want (because they are also usually dangerous haha). I'd say that the most important thing is to never scold/punish her for expressing her emotions, but learn how to help regulate them instead. As much as this may sound contradictory, it helps to calm yourself down and talk to your child like an adult - get down to their level (eg. getting down on one knee, half kneeling or squatting), hold them and just let them calm down in your arms. More often than that, these little tantrums are because they want our attention over something or because they couldn't understand (at that point) why they aren't allowed to do what they want. Here's what I usually do when my son has a tantrum: 1) Get on the same level as they are. Some parents get onto their level, but I find it easier to carry my son in my arms instead so he can't really run away. 2) Calm yourself down, and get them to calm down. Adding fire to fire isn't going to help anyone, so I usually hold him, take a few deep breaths and then tell him things like "Mummy's not going to talk to you until you calm down." in between his whining cries and screaming, while also saying reassuring things to him like "It's okay baby, you're alright." or "Are you feeling ___? it's okay, calm down first alright?" This works better if your child already knows how to talk since she'll tell you exactly what's wrong, but my son has speech delay so I can only try to sense what's wrong and reaffirm my observations of his emotions with him. 3) Once they calmed themselves down, then address the problem with the ACKNOWLEDGE, EXPLAIN, ALTERNATIVE approach. It's part of parenting methods like gentle/peaceful parenting, but here's what it roughly means! ACKNOWLEDGE - Acknowledge what has happened and more importantly, your child's feelings. I'd always ask something simple like "Have you calmed yourself down now? Can Mummy talk to you?" before going into the acknowledging with something like "Are you feeling ____ because ____?" EXPLAIN - Explain why your child can't do what he/she wanted, usually because it's a safety concern or we don't have enough money etc. If it's something to do with me not enabling him to do something (eg. if I cannot afford something he wanted), I'd apologize to him at the moment with something like "I'm sorry darling, but Mummy can't _____ because ____". If it's a safety concern, you can do something like "I know you're ____, but we can't ____ because ____". They actually understand a whole lot more than we think, and this helps to tell them that even though we are adults, we have a reason behind doing the things we do and we're not just stopping them without telling them "why". ALTERNATIVE - The most important step that most parents forget is the alternative, to offer something in replacement of what they wanted to do so they know what can be done instead. If it's something of a safety concern, tell them things like "how about we try ____ instead? that way you can _____ without ____". If it's because she already has a ton of whatever she wanted at home, give an alternative like "but darling, we already have so many ____ at home - how about we look at/go ____ instead?" Most importantly, if it's something you can't do at the moment (eg. buy a toy), you can give them a promise/raincheck but ALWAYS keep your promises - "Mummy can't afford this now, but we can come back after ___/look at (quote something else that's similar but cheaper) instead?" It isn't foolproof and takes a bit of time for your child to get used to it (especially if you've never tried it before), but it's tried and tested - works 80% of the time! All this happens then and there, exactly when the situation happens - but it'll help to bring them to one side (I do this by just carrying him in my arms and walking away) so you don't do this in a crowd. There's also 20% of the time where they just wouldn't stop, in those cases, just let them cry it out. Kids are smart so they won't tire themselves too much, let them exhaust their feelings and energy out (something like how adults sometimes just need a good cry to feel better) and they'll stop when they get tired. Throughout this time, don't forget to be holding them and just taking deep breaths, so that you're there accompanying her personally and not just leaving her alone to cry it out. Once she stops, then you can talk to her while offering comfort like hugs, kisses, water etc.

Hello mummy, a child usually copy the adult's behaviour. Has the child recently seen someone throwing temper and is trying to copy their behaviour? Maybe you can do role-play... when the child is calm, use a similar situation and try an act-and-play scenario to show what the child should do or should not do. Using such role-play can help a child to understand better rather than words... at that age. All the best!

TapFluencer

You need to be very firm with your daughter about rules and following them. If she misbehaves, you can use the time out period and make her stay in a corner to serve out her naughty period. But be sure to reward her if she does good

VIP Member

I think some calming music does help to manage a child's temper. Try explaining to her in a nice way and see if it Helps. Try not to let her watch cartoons like Tom and Jerry, something which a pd once told me:)

Being too kind n pampered to ur child, sometimes theyll take things for granted even they still dont understand all this thingy. One way is definitely u gotta be firm. no harsh, no harm, but firm.

thank you for the advice!

Stay calm and be firm when youre telling your child what she is doing wrong. Whats most important is consistency in the way you discipline so the child will understand better. All the best!

VIP Member

I believe patience is key for parents in such situations and always praise, give them attention for their positive behaviour. It will surely help in longer run. Take care!

😀👍🏻😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

VIP Member

Check this link out : https://sg.theasianparent.com/my-3-year-old-son-has-a-bad-temper-what-should-i-do?utm_medium=web&utm_source=search&utm_campaign=elastic

I will keep silent I will try my best to be calm and not react. And when she knows she can’t get her way, she will stop.

TapFluencer

My top tip is not to lose your temper. The first goal is to calm your child down before teaching them a lesson.

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