Hi mummies! My heart’s been aching a little recently so I just wanna talk to you guys for a bit.
The past two weeks, my 5mo boy has been going to IFC and he’s been adjusting really well. He constantly does this squeal and excited flail of his hands combo whenever his teachers opened the door to receive him. Which initially puts my heart a little more at ease for when I resume work. (I took an additional 2 months of no-pay leave because my heart can’t let go. There is also absolutely no one capable enough in regard to caring for a baby for us to rely on for help, thus IfC.)
However today, he showed the same eagerness to play and start his day but..when his teachers said “bye bye mommy!” and turned to bring him in for his morning shower, he immediately shouted and cried. I was still filling up the daily paperwork to handover my son, but I could hear his distinct cries even as the door closed. It tugged at my heart really badly. At the same time I’m also confused and begin to question all my decisions that I thought was the best for him prior.
I definitely am not faulting the teachers at the moment, as I can see so far they have been taking great care of my boy. Even so that I didn’t tell them anything, but their observations on his daily habits and character is extremely spot on. (I was pretty impressed. Plus the past two weeks my son has been excited for school as I mentioned.)
It’s just hearing my son cries somehow put my mind into reset mode, as I can’t do anything at the point of time. I’m not sure if he’s in pain, but I highly doubt it as he was fine literally a minute ago. I’m also not sure if there’s any sudden traumas, as I can’t recall anything out of the ordinary in his daily behaviour up until this morning.
I called my husband as I stood there refusing to leave. He did mentioned to me something regarding separation anxiety, and he feels it’s probably that. Since we’ve been the sole caregivers for the past 5 coming 6 months. I did research as well, and there are articles claiming that babies around this age and older begins to know who’s mom and dad, their surrounding environments.
Is it really separation anxiety? I’m not too sure. But all I know is that he’s crying for mom. And I honestly don’t know what to do. We have to work..in order to give our son the best we can for him to grow up. But at the same time, I want to be with him every moment of the day. Especially when he cries. Sigh.
Sorry for such a long post mummies, thank you all for listening as I really have no one to talk to besides hubby. #firsttimemom
Tasha Wong