unmotivated

I’m 34 weeks pregnant and it’s my first pregnancy. i took the whole month of December off from work to “rest” at home but the more I’m home, the more it ~kills~ me. About 2 weeks back I found out my husband cheated. Has been cheating on me since he found we were pregnant. Main reason is because he was childish and has to constantly seek validation from this girl he calls “friend”. Their conversations were mostly about backstabbing me and other times it’s just lewd conversations. He’s met her many times and I guess, it’s just a “friend” he never got over. I carried my baby alone since day 1. We live on our own and if I want to feel loved, I’d go over to my mom’s cos she’d feed me food non stop while my husband don’t. Any cravings I had, I drove out and got them myself. It was honestly difficult. I confronted him and his family over the cheating incident but it turned out to be a whole conversation of blaming me and my incapabilities while being pregnant. I made the decision to stay away from toxic in laws since then. I’m not sure if I’ve forgiven my husband but how do you live with a cheater? I haven’t been eating well because all I do is wake up to go to bed. I know, it’s probably depression and my kid is currently really small which alarms my gynae but all I’m thinking of is, how do I give birth with no one supporting me? I can’t have my husband there because it’s so hard to steer away from the thoughts that he has cheated. I don’t know what else to do and I’m just very, lonely, and I can’t be going back to my mom’s everyday because she keeps telling me I belong next to my husband despite whatever’s happened. I have no more motivation to live and I’m not sure if this baby is my motivation but I’m really just unmotivated these days not knowing what to do. #1stimemom #advicepls #bantusharing #pregnancy