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Insecure first time mum

I am not sure if the way I am feeling is normal. From the moment I conceive, my mil seems to be snatching my boy from me. She stayed with me for about 5 months. Every time I carry him she will ask me to pass to her. Then in the beginning when baby was close to me, she will blame me say cause I have longer maternity than others. Then when I walked away, she will say hurtful things like mummy walked away, you smile ah. Now baby is one year old, everytime I go her place, she will use gai gai to bribe him. So today as usual and baby just crawl to her and wave bye bye to me. I feel heart pain leh. Then cause I am breastfeeding, she been asking me if I have let him take milk powder. I think there is a possibility that she want to make him stay over at her place. I really don’t know how… I told my husband and he say I am thinking too much. But from all her actions I can see she is trying to make baby close to her and to want her and stay over. Using gai gai and go swimming to bribe him….#advicepls #firstbaby #pleasehelp

Mum To Be

Got a bun in the oven

5 Replies

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Hi, We have same issue when it comes to MIL. She became my silent rival when it comes to my son. For me its not okay because Im a first time mom and I want to make sure that I dont miss anything about my son. What I first did is never live with her in the same roof. Then setting up boundaries. She should know that you are the mother and your the only one that your baby needed. She should know that she have her time when she take care his son and she should respect that this is our time taking our own son. I know it sounds rude but we have to be honest to her. keeping up our feelings will make the situation escalated to more complications. Its not bad if we look like we dont want to share our babies to them but we are just a mother and its our instinct and they should understand it. One time she even said to me, why dont you go to this company it offers big salary. I said they are not work at home job and im contented to my job because I have time with my son then she said I will take care of my grandchild if you want. I answered her no I dont want because what I want is that Im the one who will do that since Im the mother hope you understand.

Mum To Be

Totally agree with you. Even now I am wfh, she keep saying baby is big and wants to play. So she can come over. I told her no need. We are playing with him. She keep saying things like we never play with him etc, or find faults with our parenting to get herself involved. It’s very annoying

I also face this problem b4. at first, I insist to keep a distance from mil. n I spend more time on my child, talk n play with him. then he stay closer with u, next time he go mil home, he will say no(that's my son haha) everytime mil ask him stay longer or stay overnight, I will emphasize to him: I will not stay with u ah , mama go home sleep. u stay with here only. he cries n says NO to mil. then mil will snatch him from my hand, my son will feel irritated hahahaha :) the most important that is spend time with them, they can feel. u r his mother, he loves you more than others

Hmm try not to take your mil’s words too hard. My mum will always tell me that babies will grow closest to their mummies. They know who are their mummies. Try to talk more with your boy and spend time together. I believe it helps!

Cheers

My mum said the same thing. My grandparents took care of me since my parents were working. We lived together. But I’m still close to my mum growing up 😃 It’s good that you’ve communicated to your husband on this instead of suffering in silence! If you feel uncomfortable with baby staying with mil, you don’t need to do it!

VIP Member

maybe u take it as a time to rest? take a break mama! dont worry, just keep bonding with yr baby, they will still rmbr u as their precious mama..no one can ever replace that!

Mum To Be

But she will stop baby from finding me. I don’t know I really feel uncomfortable.

Reciprocate to them with love and kindness. They (MIL) will react differently then.

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