Disrespected

Psychologically speaking, it is natural for your husband to put your MIL in such a high pedestal as being an only child, she was a strong presence in his growing years. She was her pillar. And it would of course aggravate things if she’s a superwoman who can do everything at home. (This paragraph is not to say that what he is doing is right, but to explain why. In my opinion, he may not even realize that he’s comparing the both of you. It’s a subconscious thing as he depended his first part of his life on his mother. Most single child mothers devote a lot of time and attention on their precious kids. Therefore, he places the same amount of expectation on you for the rest of his life. Positively speaking, I see this as a plus as I would like my husband to see me as his pillar.) We definitely have to let him know how you feel and that you will never be his mother. But this has to be done tactfully. Wives should not bring up issues randomly as men see us as petty women who bear grudges. They will say things like “what, you still remember that?” To be honest, most of the time when men raise their voices or say hurtful things, it is done in the spur of the moment and they have forgotten by the next day. If your husband compares your cooking with your MIL’s, because she’s an amazing one and you’re nowhere there, do not be disheartened. Start cooking more at home. Refer to cooking videos, try out new dishes. You can even ask your MIL for lessons. Be receptive to his criticisms. Do not give up at the first negative comment. It will take at least a week of effort to catch his attention. He should start to notice that there is a conscientious change in routine and would be curious. And once he ask why, just politely mention that you want to cook better for him. That your MIL is an amazing cook, so you need to improve yourself. If he probe somemore asking why, depending on his mood, you can mention the incident when he say his mother can do something but you can’t. Hopefully, this strikes something in him and help him see what he said was wrong. (Cooking is just an example and you can substitute other skills.) Going aggressive with our spouses is hardly a win-win strategy. We are not perfect and I believe that putting in effort and “passive aggressive” can go a long way. Good luck :) sorry for the long post.