20 Replies
It's harsh. My ex-wife cheated on me. So it's a lot of emotions. She needs to feel trust and safety right now. So do that first. Whatever she is feeling now is mostly reactionary. Let it sink in for her before you actually sit down and talk to her. By that I mean, you should be talking to her first, listening to what she has to say. Let her get it off her shoulders and after all that then you come in with what you think she should do. Me personally as a guy, would cut it off and move on. If there are kids involved, raise it up to my parents to take my children in. I would ask if your FDW wants to leave right now to go home and settle things. If she wants to you should let her leave and settle it her way.
I think the best thing we can do as employers, is to provide a listening ear. In the case of my helper, she had to go through divorce proceedings whilst working in Singapore because her husband was having an affair. This was a decision she made. However, as upset as she was, she remained professional and continued working here. I think having open communication is key. I know of situations where the helper has been adversely affected by situations back home and unable to concentrate on work. As an employer, we have to be mindful that such situations might call for the helper to be less focused on work or eventually want to go back to her home country.
I would definitely try my best to provide a listening ear, and give good advice. God knows I would need one if it ever happened to me. Although I'm wondering whether there should be another conversation with the FDW about boundaries? At the end of the day, it's still an employer-employee relationship and I wouldn't want to be to caught up in what's happening with her at home. Like, if it were me talking to an employer, I would let them know that there might be some issues at home that might be distracting me from work, but I wouldn't want to tell them all the details about it. Not sure if I'm the only one feeling this way.
I super agree with providing a listening ear to your helper because really, the most comforting act for someone who is working away from home and doesn't have anyone to talk to about personal matters such as that is to have someone to listen to their story. She might think of things to save the marriage. She might think of asking herself if it's really worth it because she is away and there's not much she can do. You can ask her to ponder if her husband is capable of being faithful and loyal to her, even if she's away. Especially when she's away. What you can also tell her is to focus on her children instead.
First, I would just let her vent her frustrations out but I'll also remind her not to let her emotions take the reins. She should take a breath and verify if this is really true. Next, I will ask her to have a talk with her husband (so long as he is not the the type to lash out when confronted). Lastly, I will let her know that it is ultimately up to her if she wants to still try and make it work. I will not judge her or impose my beliefs on her. I will trust her to know what will truly make her happy.
I would listen to her and ask how I would be able to help. Some people still stay in their relationships even if the other party cheats because they either have kids or because of their ego (I do know of people who refuse to leave their cheating partners because they don't want to 'lose face') Listen to her and if she asks you for any advice, let her know your honest opinion. Sometimes people need to calm down from their emotional state before making rational decisions.
Lot of people have given really good advice. Firstly listen to what she has to say and make sure she realizes that you are there for her. In such situations it is very easy for someone's mind to run off track (revenge, suicidal thoughts etc). Help her remain positive throughout this ordeal. When such things happen it might get difficult to focus on work so cut her some slack. May be give her some leave if she wants.
You should begin by letter her share her story. At this moment, she really needs somebody who can just listen to her. You can then advice her confronting her husband and also telling him why she suspects he is seeing somebody else. However, remember to tell her that even though you are here for her emotionally, it is her personal problem and that she must deal it it confidently, herself.
I think what you should do in this situation is just to listen to what she has to tell, it's basically on her mind 24/7 and she needs to let it out to someone, anyone. And if you think you have some good advice on how she can handle the whole situation, let her know. Offer her if there's anything you could help her with at this point of time. She would definitely appreciate it.
It is impossible for us to know what exactly happened, the context and all that. I agree with what everyone suggested: to provide a listening ear. I may come off harsh by saying this, but you should not get too involved in domestic issues of others. Suggestions and advice will probably be good, but should you come in and things get worse, your FDW may just blame you for it.