13 Replies
For me, I think having small disagreements make things more interesting in the relationship. Of course it must be resolved and not allowed to be escalated into a major issue. For small issues, we usually just try to reach a compromise. Sometimes it means having one party giving in and accepting the decision of another. If I'm the one giving in, he will have to endure my "black face" for a while but it passes quickly. Same for him. He will make his displeasure known but once we got past that, everything is back to normal again. If we got into heated argument, we had a pact to make sure we hit the pause button, step back and cool down first before discussing the issue further. BUT, the issue will have to be addressed. We are still learning the little quirks and habits of each other. So for now, there are lots of black/irritated faces from time to time. But that works for now. :)
Mitigating quarrels is a very general topic of discussion 1. Anger, panic, fear, and frustration are all emotions guaranteed to cause you to fall apart and see red 2. Create physical distance 3. Avoid slinging shots, such as saying things like "this is all your fault" 4. Ignore insults and personal remarks - you may hear taunts related to members of your family or other people you care about. 5. acknowledge the other person might have a valid argument 6. Your eyes tells more than words, use it to calm the other party 7. Back away in case things turn physical, try peacefully walking away after you have slowly lost your eye contact suggesting your backing away stance.
This a tricky one, but not an impossible task. Usually disputes over small issues stem from the inability to adjust with the partner's behaviour or general attitude. This can easily be solved if one maintains cool and is composed during general discussions. If there is something that really irks you about your partner, it's better to be honest and tell them what it is rather than fighting about it. The other thing is to be mindful of your partner's feelings. Sometimes partners are not interested in say, household chores etc. You can tell them that they will be helping you and the house by contributing. There is nothing that you can't make your partner understand.
The best way to resolve disputes between couples is to change your way of thinking. Instead of thinking of it as me vs. you, think about it as us vs. the problem. When it comes to resolving these small issues, always focus on *the problem* instead of your partner. For instance, if the issue is that you hate dirty dishes in the sink and your partner doesn't seem to care, tell him "I don't like it when dirty dishes pile up in the sink." rather than get accusatory and saying things like "You always leave dirty dishes in the sink". It can make a world of difference!
Tolerance is key, I feel. Identify the negative aspects of your partner's habits/traits and accept them with tolerance if they are minor. For example, I am a neat freak and I hate dirty dishes in the sink but my fiancé has a habit of leaving them to sit instead of washing them immediately. Nagging solved the problem for a while but it's not permanent. I used to get sooo annoyed with this but I realise that I shouldn't sweat the small stuff because it's just not worth it. So these days, I let it pass. A few dirty dishes shouldn't ruin anyone's day.
Oh wow. I could have been the one asking this question. It's really common for couples to bicker over the tiniest things. It's very easy for me to flare up. I have a very hot temper. However, we always end up making up by the end of the day (or night). My husband will usually be the one to reason out with me where I'll just end up crying. I would say the key is to be mindful. Take note of your weaknesses and try to pause and decide your next course of action. I'm still learning.
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I think communication between couples are important. None of you are mind readers and sometimes what we mean doesn't come across in what we say. It is important to take time out to talk about it and clarify stuff before it leads to disputes. Try not to lets the small disputes overwhelm the otherwise beautiful relationship with your partner. Try and resolve the dispute as quickly as possible.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Oftentimes, the biggest quarrels stem from the most inane things. Don't project the annoyances of daily life onto your partner. Sure, there will be friction, but I think rising above it constantly is the key to reducing drama. in your marriage. You both have bigger fish to fry.
The most important thing is to build a good communication with your partner. Don't take it easy, tell your partner about what bothering you, discuss it and find a way to fix it. Also please don't avoid what your partner tell about you.