Ask the Expert Series: Surprising Ways to Make Your Relationship Better

Hello everyone! Excited to “see” you! I am Kristy Yong (BS (PSYCH), M.Coun, Internationally Licensed Counsellor with Australian Counselling Association), Director of Oasis Counselling Services. Healthy relationships often come with love and romance. Romantic relationships can be challenging, but they're ultimately supposed to make you feel supported, happy, and fulfilled. If you're looking to keep a new romantic relationship strong or repair a relationship that's on the rocks, these tips can help. ----------------------------- Here are some questions asked in our community, and we got the answers for you ✅ 👩‍💼My husband is very nice man and we didn’t have premarital sex during our 3 years of dating . Now that we are married , I realise he does not have much experience in bed and reflects a big contrast oppose to mine to the extend I do not enjoy the deed anymore like how I used. Now I feels like a task instead as we are trying to conceive, we do not do it leisurely but we do it when I am ovulating and to be honest it’s not a good feeling. I wonder if this is normal or has anyone experiencing the same situation ? How should I hint him to get more involve in making love during our daily lives 👩‍🔬sexual intimacy is crucial for couples and i think open communication about your sexual needs and his sexual activity with you is not very pleasant. He doesnt know what he dont know. I would also want to maybe give him some suggestion on how to satisfy your sexual needs because he may or may not have an exposure to sex knowledge. 👩‍💼I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant and my relationship with my hubby hasn’t been going well. I get easily irritated and I feel really bad about it. It’s causing our relationship to turn sour. Any mom-to-be going through the same thing? Will things get better? #firstbaby #firsttimemom 👩‍🔬As a mom as well as a therapist, i think its quite normal to feel like a roller coaster during our pregnancy due to the hormonal changes in the body. But, it will always be better for you to check with your gynae on this so she can also assists you if any supplement is needed to better improve your emotional health. In my experience, yes it will get better as both parents get adjusted to this new parent role. 👩‍💼 My friend's husband is constantly shouting at her. Her husband can just shout at her inside crowded places. She is getting angry too. lastly, both of them end up in either fight or an argument. How can she have a peaceful family life? 👩‍🔬Hi, i think your friend need to reach out for professional help. When argument that ends up so escalated, there are usually root cause to an escalated argument and what causes them to have anger outburst so publicly. As a couple therapist, we usually look for patterns in their communication that doesnt work to identify what causing the stress in their relationship. Hence i would suggest for them to look for a professional couple therapist who is able to help their relationship.

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How can we avoid arguments? If both parties get angry quickly. How can we avoid conflict at home?

Hi, in my opinion, conflict cannot be avoided because 2 different individual passionately trying to make their relationship works. Some tips to manage conflict at home healthily would be: - be very direct or communicate the issue clearly because our partner is never a mind reader they are also seeking to understand and be understood. - try not to invalidate each other during argument while allowing partner to express themselves. - seek to understand before being understood. This is key, everyone comes from their perspectives, the argument usually can be de-escalated when we try to put ourselves in our partner's shoe or try to see things from their perspectives. Hope this helps!

Any change in relationship with Husband after having baby? We tend to argue more often

Hi, yes it is normal to have change in relationship after the arrival of the precious little ones. Some of the most common reason will be adjustment. As a woman and also a mom, there's a lot going on in our body after we give birth to our little one. Hormones is one and also adjustment of the both newparent is also major when the baby arrives. So, it is very normal to have argument because both of you trying to adjust to this new stage in your lives.

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How to avoid arguing each other ? Thanks. Pls notify the link zoom to me. Thanks

Hi Kitty, as a therapist, healthy arguments cannot be avoided to be honest because two loving person trying to understand and have the best out their relationship it will requires a lot of going healthy conflict to reach to the happiness level. I think the goal is never to avoid argument but how to manage the argument healthily and if argument is handled properly, these arguments can actually improve the relationship. A general tips that i could provide will be: - be very direct or communicate the issue clearly because our partner is never a mind reader they are also seeking to understand and be understood. - try not to invalidate each other during argument while allowing partner to express themselves. - seek to understand before being understood. This is key, everyone comes from their perspectives, the argument usually can be de-escalated when we try to put ourselves in our partner's shoe or try to see things from their perspectives. Hope this helps!

What are the most important things in a healthy relationship?

Hi, in my personal opinion as a couple therapist, an indicator if a relationship is healthy will be on their communication level and their trust level, if is a marriage relationship i would also assessed their sexual intimacy to gauge where they are in their marriage. Hope this helps!

How can I improve my relationship with my spouse? any tips?

Hi, there are many ways to improve your relationship with your spouse and one of the most common ways is to intentionally find time to have quality time with each other like going on a date or having special nights together. Alternatively, im not sure if you are familiar with love language, be intentional about each others love languages also proven to improve marriage relationship because both of you are filling up each other's love tanks. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language I have attached the love language content and free quiz for you for reference. Hope this helps!

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