Ask the Expert Series: Surprising Ways to Make Your Relationship Better

Hello everyone! Excited to “see” you! I am Kristy Yong (BS (PSYCH), M.Coun, Internationally Licensed Counsellor with Australian Counselling Association), Director of Oasis Counselling Services. Healthy relationships often come with love and romance. Romantic relationships can be challenging, but they're ultimately supposed to make you feel supported, happy, and fulfilled. If you're looking to keep a new romantic relationship strong or repair a relationship that's on the rocks, these tips can help. ----------------------------- Here are some questions asked in our community, and we got the answers for you ✅ 👩‍💼My husband is very nice man and we didn’t have premarital sex during our 3 years of dating . Now that we are married , I realise he does not have much experience in bed and reflects a big contrast oppose to mine to the extend I do not enjoy the deed anymore like how I used. Now I feels like a task instead as we are trying to conceive, we do not do it leisurely but we do it when I am ovulating and to be honest it’s not a good feeling. I wonder if this is normal or has anyone experiencing the same situation ? How should I hint him to get more involve in making love during our daily lives 👩‍🔬sexual intimacy is crucial for couples and i think open communication about your sexual needs and his sexual activity with you is not very pleasant. He doesnt know what he dont know. I would also want to maybe give him some suggestion on how to satisfy your sexual needs because he may or may not have an exposure to sex knowledge. 👩‍💼I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant and my relationship with my hubby hasn’t been going well. I get easily irritated and I feel really bad about it. It’s causing our relationship to turn sour. Any mom-to-be going through the same thing? Will things get better? #firstbaby #firsttimemom 👩‍🔬As a mom as well as a therapist, i think its quite normal to feel like a roller coaster during our pregnancy due to the hormonal changes in the body. But, it will always be better for you to check with your gynae on this so she can also assists you if any supplement is needed to better improve your emotional health. In my experience, yes it will get better as both parents get adjusted to this new parent role. 👩‍💼 My friend's husband is constantly shouting at her. Her husband can just shout at her inside crowded places. She is getting angry too. lastly, both of them end up in either fight or an argument. How can she have a peaceful family life? 👩‍🔬Hi, i think your friend need to reach out for professional help. When argument that ends up so escalated, there are usually root cause to an escalated argument and what causes them to have anger outburst so publicly. As a couple therapist, we usually look for patterns in their communication that doesnt work to identify what causing the stress in their relationship. Hence i would suggest for them to look for a professional couple therapist who is able to help their relationship.

19 Replies

Community user question: https://community.theasianparent.com/q/husband-very-nice-man-didnt-have-premarital-sex-during-3-years-dating/4526283 My husband is very nice man and we didn’t have premarital sex during our 3 years of dating . Now that we are married , I realise he does not have much experience in bed and reflects a big contrast oppose to mine to the extend I do not enjoy the deed anymore like how I used. Now I feels like a task instead as we are trying to conceive, we do not do it leisurely but we do it when I am ovulating and to be honest it’s not a good feeling. I wonder if this is normal or has anyone experiencing the same situation ? How should I hint him to get more involve in making love during our daily lives

Hi Nadeesha, sexual intimacy is crucial for couples and i think open communication about your sexual needs and his sexual activity with you is not very pleasant. He doesnt know what he dont know. I would also want to maybe give him some suggestion on how to satisfy your sexual needs because he may or may not have an exposure to sex knowledge. Hope this helps!

Community user question: https://community.theasianparent.com/q/im-currently-9-weeks-pregnant-relationship-with-hubby-hasnt-been-going/4456778 I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant and my relationship with my hubby hasn’t been going well. I get easily irritated and I feel really bad about it. It’s causing our relationship to turn sour. Any mom-to-be going through the same thing? Will things get better? #firstbaby #firsttimemom

Hi Nadeesha, as a mom as well as a therapist, i think its quite normal to feel like a roller coaster during our pregnancy due to the hormonal changes in the body. But, it will always be better for you to check with your gynae on this so she can also assists you if any supplement is needed to better improve your emotional health. In my experience, yes it will get better as both parents get adjusted to this new parent role.

My friend's husband is constantly shouting at her. Her husband can just shout at her inside crowded places. She is getting angry too. lastly, both of them end up in either fight or an argument. How can she have a peaceful family life?

Hi, i think your friend need to reach out for professional help. When argument that ends up so escalated, there are usually root cause to an escalated argument and what causes them to have anger outburst so publicly. As a couple therapist, we usually look for patterns in their communication that doesnt work to identify what causing the stress in their relationship. Hence i would suggest for them to look for a professional couple therapist who is able to help their relationship. Hope this helps!

I don't like it when my husband is forgetful and sometimes I'd want my husband to remember my birthday, and our anniversary, But he always forgets that. I am annoyed. How can I ask him to be more caring on our special days?

Hi Teena, i would say maybe you can let him know how does his forgetfulness about special days makes you feel and get him to think of workable solution to assists him with the forgetfulness. He is not here so i won't be able to identify whether is a personality thing or is it just a habit. I think he needs to know what action that he does that doesnt help your marriage.

I am 9 weeks pregnant. I feel more easily annoyed with my husband. Sometimes I see him as my enemy. I avoid him. This may be due to the hormone change. Is there any way I can fix this issue and enjoy my pregnancy with him?

Hi, yes definitely. Having awareness about the hormonal changes in the body is key. Letting out this annoyance inside you is very important, when we kept it within us it will be unhealthy. Maybe find ways to channel this annoyance by maybe talking to someone that is neutral, or you can also do mind dump activity to take this annoyance out of your body system. Also, you can identify things that makes you happy, doing more self-care activity will help to improve your mood and therefore it will help you to improve your mood overall. Hope this is helpful!

My husband is watching porns. I dont like him to do it. I told him. But he start it again after 2-3 days..does that affect to our family life?

Hi, yes pornography addiction will affect the dynamics at home. I would recommend your husband to seek professional help to manage his porn addictions.

What does a healthy give and take look like in a healthy relationship? When do you objectively know you have to move on or stay in?

Hi, i think is very subjective for everyone. In generally, maybe you can take a very honest evaluation of your emotions and your mental state when you are in the relationship. If you were to put yourself in a scale of 0-10 where will you place your happiness in this relationship? If 5 is non-existence, what number would you put on that scale and list the whys. To also clarify, most relationships will have conflict in fact, conflict handled well will improve the relationship. However, if you feel the relationship is very toxic and weighing you down each time then probably it is a sign to show you that this may not a good relationship to stay on.

If husband hides small things from wife. Can he cheat in future? How can we make both to be opened each other ?

Hi Anne, i would say yes and no. It also depends on what are the small things that he is hiding. In general, we can't blanket and judge a person's behaviour just by the few mistakes that he made. i think whats more crucial will be to find out why and what is the cause of hiding from you. Some suggestions for you, maybe try exploring why does he hides small things from you and are they any fears around letting know you the things that he probably would avoid letting you know because he didnt want to disappoint or hurt you? Open and direct communication in a right mood for both of you is always a good start to be discover and understand one another. Hope this helps!

What are the responsibilities of the husband to have a better relationship? How should I treat my wife?

Hi Ryan, that's very sweet of you. I would say answering her love language and filling up her love tank can bring the relationship a long way. Do you know her love language and how often are filling up her love tank? This probably could be a clue to help you improve your relationship with your wife. https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language Here's a link to love language quizzes that both you and your wife can take to improve your relationship. All the best Ryan!

My spouse does not have any respect for me. sometimes that makes me angry, How can I deal with this.

Hi, in my opinion, i would say to communicate this to your partner assertively. For example, you can let him know what he do/does that makes you feel disrespected and if possible you can also let him/ her know how (very specifically) you would prefer to be respected. Hope this helps!

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