I'm sorry you're feeling really frustrated and it must be difficult for you. Firstly, if you are really sexually frustrated and your husband is not interested, perhaps you can "help yourself" for the time being just to get some release. No shame in that -- it is obviously affecting you and if there is a quick fix then why not?
After that has been settled, you have to find a way to get through to your husband. Find a time to just talk to him. Don't immediately jump into the topic of sex, start with something neutral like kids, work and then slowly branch into what's bothering him. I think he is feeling as lost as you are. Don't give up on him.
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