In-laws

Does anyone have issues with parents-in-law? My LO (currently 5 months old) is taken care by my MIL when me and hubby is at work. My MIL used to be a babysitter so she’s quite good at babies. However, she got her own set of pantangs and way of educating the child, which is very different from me. I don’t believe in pantangs at all. She doesn’t believe in what We say when we explain to her. For example, there was once baby did not poo for a week, she got so ganchiong and kept calling over the weekend telling us to try this try that. We already explained to her nicely that this is normal for BF babies but her mindset is stuck with need to poo Everyday blablabla. This is just one example. Another example is, she kept saying baby should start on solids now. Me and my husband’s take is to follow baby’s cues, we don’t have a definite to start solids at 4 months or 6 months. We did try a little puree but feel that baby is not yet ready for it. But MIL keep saying that should start alr. So irritating? Sometimes, this really irritates me and I want to send my baby to infant care instead. Is like, why must I explain what I’m doing to her and why she keep giving suggestions that I don’t want to hear. I have my own style in doing things and parenting. But my hubby refuses as infant care is expensive and he thinks it’ll be better for baby to be under grandma’s care. I do agree with him but I think it’s only for my sanity. ? Does anyone has similar experience?

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I can relate mommy. So hard to deal with MIL's who think they are always right and much better than us in terms of taking good care of babies. Keep on imposing their parenting style that is not timely and not reliable already. So stressful on our part as a mother. I lost my trust on MIL after she gave water (more than 2 ml) to my 2 months old little one even if she's fully aware that it's not advisable. Me and my husband already told her before she did that but still follow her own decision without consulting us. By that, she disrespects our parenting decision. After that, I realized that I cannot fully intrust my baby to MIL. Even simple instruction cannot follow. So why I compromised my baby's safety and security. I was so devastated that time. I even cried coz I can't imagine what might happen to my baby. Anyway, I am widely open for suggestions from my MIL but not to the point that she should insist to do this, to do that. If I think it is good for my baby, then go.. but if it's not, I won't consider it. I always put on my mind that "My child, my rule". Lately, my MIL keep on telling that we'll now introduce solid foods like gerber, cerelac to my baby which I strongly disagree. I am totally not in favor of introducing baby processed foods on my babys' first intake of solid foods. I am an advocate to a homemade fresh fruits and veggies for my baby. Right now, I don't really see enough reason to allow my baby to eat processed foods at her young age. Anything processed is consider junk foods which is not good for the health of the babies. Right now, I give up everything..my work, my wildest dreams, my whole self just to take good care of our baby which is not supposedly our (my hubby) plan after giving birth. I sacrifice my whole life just to raise our baby based on our own parenting wishes and decisions and I know this is best decision I've ever made in my entire life. Also, I believe that to sacrifice for the sake of our baby is part of parenthood. Just do our part and everything will fall to its right place. I know its gonna be worth it after all. By God's grace. Salute to all supermommies. A real-life hero. Kudos!

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I was in the same situation.. Initially I trusted my mil to take care if my kids as she had been baby sitter before.. Initial stage she showered them n feeds them.. at one point she gave lil water n told it would be good for their stomach but after that I realised u shouldn't be giving water to infant till 6mths and I told her to stop. and the kids private parts had dirts if she showered them and it got me more worried. she always kept the babies to herself during the day and I only get to spend time at night where they will be asleep and I will be tired. To cut short I felt I didn't have the bond with them do I started to take charge of everything. she was hesitant to leave my children alone with me and she would only leave them if there is someone with me. so after I took charge of my babies she felt upset and cried to my hubby.. i was like baffled because I din even utter any words to her. I thought as a mother she would understand that I would want to spend time with my kids but she didn't. She left to her house and I felt so happy as I get my privacy moments with my kids. After my maternity hubby n me planned to send kids to mil hse for her to tc but I changed my mind. I wouldn't know wat she would do as she oso have her own pantangs. so I took helper which gave me peace of mind.. had to convince my hubby. Helper will follow ur instructions as per told but mil won't. I always ask my helper to keep an eye if she visit my kids when I'm not around. I can monitor my helper as I have installed cameras. My mil respects my decision. I told her let me tc of my kids so now she doesn't say much. she doesn't interfere with my decisions regarding the kids coz she knows I won't give 2 cents about it. so just get a helper. yes it's abit costly but u need that peace of mind. My mil thought I will just throw my babies to her and sit one corner but too bad I developed so much affection on kids and I want to everything myself.. my babies my rule.. stick to this.

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My dear, never ever let anybody including own parents & parents in law to decide for your baby. Don’t be afraid to be firm or keep the child away from them until they agreed to respect & follow your decision on YOUR child. Especially babies that are less than 6 months old. It’s not only NOT advisable to introduce water / food but also DANGEROUS & many cases lead to babies being rushed to the emergency /“- some even lead to death. Just think like this - when your child is sick it will be you & your husband who have to bring him/her to the hospital & stay awake at nights taking care of your child, not them who have this & that opinion. Early on they may be ‘sour faces’ or anything but that is nothing compared to risking your child’s health / even life. Please stay firm & explain well to your husband for him to support you. Ask him is it worth risking going to the emergency if anything goes wrong, which that will cost even more than trying to save money sending to reliable babysitter/daycare. Even after 6 months doctors didn’t advice to introduce sweet/salty & strong flavoured food. Not until they reach at least 1 1/2 or 2 years old at least. Older generations usually are not as aware as us now about when it’s safe to introduce water / food to babies. They usually go with, I did this to you / my children nothing happened to them. Don’t wait until something happened and only then you want to regret. Each child has different tolerance to water / food. Please don’t risk your child just to take care of other people’s feelings. Sincerely. Hopefully things are much better for you now. Sorry for this long comment, just very sincerely worried about your child.

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I'm having the same issues with you too mummy. My mil involved in my confinement. My confinement was terrible as she've created so much stress to me by telling me every morning 'milk not enough milk not enough'. My milk level was dropped from 120ml to 20ml within a week because of the stress given by her. My LO was drinking 90ml for the first 2 weeks and on the third week of my LO, I seriously not sure what happen to my mil, she gave my LO 150ml! I get shocked with the sudden increased of my LO milk. Not only that, in my confinement, she also keep quarreling with me by saying I made her very uncomfortable and didn't trust her way in taking care my LO. Before my LO 1 month old, she keep letting my LO sit on her leg, on the bed and even on the sofa. I've tell her to stop this as this will affect my LO backbone. I clarified this with my mother and also do some Internet search before telling this to her. She get mad with me and say 'why need to listen to your mom? If you don't trust me then ask your mom to come over and help you take care your LO. No need to search Internet, no need to listen to doctor. I got 4sons you thought I don't know how to take care baby?' I really feel like omg to my mil attitude..... Not only that, when my LO is not feeling well, my mil ask me to give my LO to drink talisman! Eeeeeee my LO was only 2mo and she asked me to to that!! Seriously the experience with my mil is not good. If I was given a chance I will not ask for the help from my mil. My relationship with my mil is not good all the while and after my delivery, the relationship with her become worst.

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Oh yes, this is one big issue that is causing me and my husband to quarrel every now and then. My husband only trusts his mum and thinks that she is the only person in the world who can best look after my daughter. Everything we do or feed her must go through his mum first. Seriously, who is the mother now. She behaves as is she is my daughter's mum. My MIL loves to look after her yet complains that she is tired. I even hired a helper whom she treats her as if she pays for her when she insisted that she doesn't need one. I really cannot stand her, she thinks that everything that she does is right and anything that we do is wrong. I also want to send her to playgroup but she insists that she needs to be toilet trained before she can do so. She is dictating everything even our lives. If we are late to pick my daughter up or even the slightest mistake we do, she makes a fuss and will scold me in a very condescending manner when it was her son's fault. She will raise her voice at me and bully me verbally and she even outraged my modesty during one of our arguments. I even wanted to get a divorce because I cannot stand them. The entire family bullies me so you are definitely not alone!

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1mo ago

Ahh same experience. My boy is also 5 months old. I wanted to send him to IFC but the whole family disagree cause my MIL said she missed out on caring for her kids when they were young so now want to make up. But hello, this is my kid and not yours. What is lost is lost, you can’t snatch away someone else’s chance just because you lost yours. Plus, I don’t agree with their parenting style. All they do is just to bring my son along when they run errands. What can you expect my son to learn from running errands with you? I need someone who really care and give attention to my son. Also, they have a lot of holiday plans and they expect me and my husband to take leaves to cover them in their absence. Do you even dictate how and when should I use my leave? I really think of divorce. Ahhh

I too have this kind of MIL a lot of bantang that I find it no logic behind she offer to take care of my son when I was pregnant say I can go back to work without worry after give birth but I reject her because I know her well enough 😅 example she dun let my son self soothe with his finger say that in future my son will be skinny no matter how he eat 😅,she also dun let my son see mirror 🪞 (i also dunno why) end of the day me and my hubby decide to get a helper instead we got ourselves a Myanmar helper that $550 per month we work out the calculation actually getting a helper is cheaper than infant care ☺️ my MIL also keep asking me to give my son rice cereal at 3 month old I told her firmly No means No (part of the reason I rather get helper is I really afraid that my MIL anyhow feed my son food) most important thing is your husband must be on your side at this matter if not you will feel like a lone warrior. I actually told my helper when ah mah is around keep an eye on her😅 dun let ah mah feed anything except BM if you really want to have a piece of mind go for a helper or infant care is really worth the money as you dun need to deal with your MIL nonsense

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I disagree that granny is better with babies. Yes though it’s painful to see babies tend to fall sick when they socialise, my BB learns way better in ifc. His Teachers constantly update us on his progress in sch. I know he’s safe there and not fed with things I disapprove of. The $500-$600 that I pay to ifc is going to be the same if I let my mil looks after BB. My BB really enjoys sch a lot, always smiling when I send/pick him up. What I really like is he is sociable and his friend misses him when he misses sch. At least he’s building his immunity earlier than most of his peers, that’s how I comfort myself for sending him to ifc. Most importantly I don’t need to worry about his safety when I’m at work. My mil, hopeless. Now she’s already complaining that my BB sleeps a lot. She only took care of older children mostly and when the child “abused” her, she only complains to us but never did quit her job. Example, the child used a roller chair and rolled over her leg. She only chided him for doing so and her leg is swollen and the employer just act like it’s nothing. So from this I wouldn’t be ok for mil to look after.

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Reasons why I send my baby to infant care right after my maternity leave ended even though my MIL hinted a lot of times to take care of him: - they will get to socialise and have the space and facilities to learn on their developmental milestones when they are awake instead of just at home, watch tv do nothing. - if anything happen to my baby in infant care, I can have a talk with no filter with the school, no feelings, no ties on a thread. if anything happen to my baby if my MIL were to take care, I can't really say or show my emotions because, family ties, need to jaga-jaga the way we talk and all. - my baby, my responsibility. I choose to have a child, I should have the means to make sure I can financially take care of my child. (I'm not a high flyer, working with an average salary, husband too) - so I don't have the guilt of leaving my baby at home, in case my MIL needs to go out, or go holiday(when covid is over), don't have to think about finding alternative arrangements. -it's for my own sanity, so I don't have to think much at work about what he's doing at home. I feel more relieved knowing he is in infant care.

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Sorry to say, but I’ve anticipated such problems long ago. So despite having such a tough time now just handling our daughter alone, and no matter how nice my in laws are and kept insisting that they can help to take care…we’ve remained adamant and stayed through to just handling her ourselves. So I see where you’re coming from, and can only say, do what both of you have discussed and agreed on. End of the day the 2 of you are the parents, and are the ones who will be taking care of your child’s every need and problem. Don’t let other people run your plans for you, no matter how close the ties. For us, we opted to delay having a child until we got our own place. And now as work starts to resume on full scale, we are opting to put her to infant care when we get too busy. People may argue that the environment is not better than a family’s home etc etc. But what you pay for you can demand (not unreasonably of course 😆), and when what you expect is not met you can put up an argument. But when you bring family into such a situation, relationships can be broken from such.

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Bb is 6 months old soon.. im a guy and staying with parent in laws till my own place is ready. Actually doesn't matter which side, i personally felt we need to be more understanding, initially i was very pissed by all the pantang and superstitions from in laws and my parent (im from single parent family) , after more months as a father, i start to feel more like a parent, gradually able to understanding why parent and in laws do what they do.. even my wife also disagree with her own parents sometimes. Even my parent and in laws also got into disagreements.. omg! But all is well. At the end of the day, all of them meant well and wanting to do their best for their grandchild. Now whenever i feel angry over what they do, i will tell myself, next time I'll be like them, my bb will think like i do now, but actually mean no harm jus different experience of doing things. And try to think from their point of view.

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