5 Replies
I personally harboured such feelings during my confinement period too. It felt like he was whiling away his time while I have to pump and all. I quickly spoke to my hubs and what helped was: - understanding that it was his way of winding down and his acceptance that his life changes. I think for dads, this may not come as instinctively when the baby is just born - getting him to help! Rather than seeing him do nothing and just feel bitter on the inside, I try to be more vocal and don’t hold back when asking him to do chores. Eg. when I pump, he helps to wash or set up my pumps, tending to the baby while I pump, etc. Just ask. - if he’s watching tv and it’s time to pump, I request for him to watch smth that I would also watch haha. It was “spending time together” but if the baby cries then he goes!! I think your feelings are valid. But you and your hubs both have the same 24 hours on hand and it can look very different for both partners. If he chooses to watch tv, it can mean he has lesser time for his own rest. But it shouldn’t mean that his responsibilities towards you and baby should be lesser. Whether you think responsibilities = time/money spent, etc then it’s up to you guys to decide for yourself. Biologically speaking, there’s nothing much that the guys can do when it comes to pumping. And it is also true that we get very fragmented sleep because of our pump routines. There is no way both parents can contribute exactly the same.
It's probably your hormones making you feel that way. Breastfeeding or pumping milk is mainly the mother's job so the father can't help with that. Probably he wasn't aware that he still needs to help out with anything else since there's a CL around the house. Just gently remind him that after CL left post confinement he has to help out more
I will call it “envious and jealous” instead. Pretty sure most bf mums will feel that way towards their husbands. Don’t mention they can sleep don’t want sleep, even when I see him sleeping and snoring while I need to pump, the temptation to strangle him is…..🫣.
You can’t really do anything because it’s their choice to sacrifice sleep for leisure time. Initial stage you will feel this way because your body isn’t used to the constant waking and lack of sleep yet. Subsequently when you get used to it, you won’t get too bothered by him anymore. Find some long dramas to accompany your pumping so there’s something to let you look forward to waking up. If you want to try making him sleep early, let him take over all the evening and night feeds and diaper changing since he doesn’t want to sleep. Because now got nanny, he probably thinks everything can let nanny do. I didn’t hire any nanny so when my husband touches the bed, he KO already.
Yup totally understand !! But once nanny goes back, he’s gonna take over all the duties, just remind him that
i got my hb to feed & change as well
J