7 Replies
I'm in the same situation! I moved into mil place upon marriage and recently delivered my baby few weeks ago. My mil is super nice and we've had a really good relationship all the while - never had conflicts or complaints at all when husband and I were dating / without child, but I have to be frank that this period of time with addition of baby has been quite trying 😮💨 No conventional "horror stories", but there's been a lot of intrusiveness that have been very much out of good will. E.g. I'm trying to calm baby while we are reheating milk, and mil will come over to try to help by talking to baby also, end up got multiple people all just trying to talk over each other to the newborn and very overstimulating. Or when my baby is crying and I am in the room soothing her, they crowd around at the door and kind of ask questions / comment / give suggestions... Nothing "wrong" with these per se as mil doesn't do it in a condescending or rude manner, but I just wish I had a bit more space to be able to navigate my new role as a parent - both on an individual level as well as as a couple. It'll be really important for you to have conversations with your partner on how to manage things like expectations, communication, conflicts, etc. I have definitely felt quite overwhelmed and am very blessed I have a husband who hears my point of view and will communicate certain requests as a united front (e.g. don't crowd or hover around us when we are busy trying to settle baby) once we have spoken about it together. Though, it will be important to check in with your partner occasionally and have open conversations, as they will very much inevitably be placed in difficult positions (between mil and you, play the role of mediator or negotiator sometimes) - which isn't easy for them also as they may sometimes feel like they have to "pick a side". Easier said than done, but I think there's also value in ownself filtering out the content you wish to receive and take on from them 🤣 for everything else, just acknowledge, take with a pinch of salt and let it go fast. Lastly - remember to see the best in them and their intentions too! They have a place in baby's life too and are equally learning how to form a relationship with baby and you in your role as a parent. Unless you have a hostile relationship with your mil, I think it is important not to be absolute (I.e. 100% don't take advice / 100% take advice) and be as open in navigating the new dynamics as you can be :) after all, she raised the partner you love and had a part in how they have grown to be - if you have a supportive partner I'm sure she has done some things right :) All the best!
Mine used to be what you referred as horror stories. Your husband need to be YOUR team player instead of being the good guy. Most things can close one eye, but when it comes to involving LO’s wellbeing and safety, be firm and stick to it. Voice out if needed. Give and take. I feel healthy communication is very important, the entire family needs to communicate and understand that we all play different roles and have different concerns. Listen, solve, move on. Whatever it is, the mil should always respect you as your LO’s mother and not step over boundaries. I treat my mil like a friend instead of a mother but at the same time, I give the needed respect to her as my husband’s mom. If there’s anything unhappy, we open out and talk as sometimes the other party might understand it with wrong intentions.
Totally agree with the comments saying no matter how nice they are, really really best to stay apart. Their true colours will unleash and your sanity will be compromised once you live together. They will keep showing you how to parent your own child and this and that is wrong. Trust me, no matter how nice. Been thru that and end up moving to rental
my in-laws r nice but no matter what, i always believe that it's always easier staying apart than staying together no matter whoever the person may be... just the extent of friction that may arise... wishing u the best 🙏💕
Advice would be staying apart is the best. Initially i tot my mil was nice and all but slowly as time goes by there will be a lot of arguments and diff views in diff things. The only regret i have was not having my own hse first
There’s a saying that it’s easy when you’re not staying together. And very difficult when you stay under the same roof. Nonetheless, all the best!
💕
J