17 Replies
I have one son, and for a while, I've been anxious in finding the right man just so I could settle down and he could have a sibling without a big age gap. I'm an only child myself and I guess that's where my anxiety and urgency came from - not wanting my son to grow up being lonely like I was, not having a sibling to rely on and to shoulder the future burden of looking after me (and my future partner, if any) by himself. Being an only child, I grew up being envious about my friends who have siblings when I was going through tough times - but I was also thankful/glad I didn't struggle the way they did on their bad days. The grass is always greener on the other side, so there's definitely pros and cons for both :) As a result, I burned myself out - trying to earn as much as I could, be somewhat successful in my career, find the right man who would love my son and I ... I got too tired from it all that I ended up not having the time or energy for my son at all. What I'll advise is that you just let things happen. If you're thinking of having another child just so your current one has a sibling, then that's not the right reason to do so! And if you want another child for other reasons, it sounds like it's not the right time to be having another child for you either so ... Let nature take its course :) What's meant to be, will be - and what's not, won't come no matter how hard you try.
Hi, I have one child. She is 6 now and at times I do feel that she should have a sibling not only thinking about the fact that she would have someone to play with now but I think about 20 years later. I have two siblings and I know how comforting it is to have siblings when I am feeling low or feeling happy. I feel that when she will grow up and when she would need a support structure, she would not have one. She would not have brothers and sisters to fall back upon in the hour of need. But I plan to adopt a child. I do not know when that will happen but since my husband too is mentally prepared for one, we shall have a baby soon. But it is a personal choice. If you feel you are not ready, you of course do not have to put yourself into another pregnancy. See, if we are not 100 percent into something, we do not do that well. So, if you are not ready for the second child, do not go for it for the sake of providing sibling to your child.
Me! I am closing my factory after one baby even though my husband sometimes tries to convince me otherwise . Actually many parents often say they only want one kid but when the baby grows older they will change their minds again when they see their baby so lonely :) maybe wait one or two years before deciding? The initial one year can be tough but it should get better again. I feel one child also ok, because for me I let my parents take care of my gal and there are three other cousins in the same house so it is like she has siblings. You can bring her out for play dates more if she is the only child. Well some people said that only child will have a lot of burden when the parents get older .but I think financially I can save more for my one child to prepare her for future too so well not too stressed about this. I think if you can afford it and still young can consider a second one. Tough also only for a few years :)
It's really your personal choice, however I do have a few friends that are single child, and they did mention that they wished they had siblings. From their perspective, they feel it's good to have a playmate when young, and as they get older, to help out with responsibilities of aged parents. Eg, if parents are sick, at least there's someone else to help take turns to look after them. Medical bills can be shared among the siblings too. And *touch wood* if there's passing of parent, they still have their siblings to turn to. I guess if we want more children we just got to make a sacrifice at the start. Eventually it will come a point and time when they won't need us as much. The first few years is always tougher, if you do want more children, maybe you can consider hiring a helper or part time cleaner to help out with housework until they are older.
Well honestly some siblings grow up to become "enemies" or "strangers" so I really don't see the logic of having another child just to give your existing child a sibling/rival. I was contemplating to stop at one child after I gave birth because it was tough coping in the first year. But after the first year, my kid got easier to handle and my Husband said he spoke to some who only have one child and they have regrets about it. So I decided ok, have another one to Ensure we have no regrets when we grow older. Also, so that my no.1 won't feel so heavily burdened when we grow older. With that said, I really don't view that the children's point of existence is to be each other playmates. I only hope that they can be like good friends, at least friends who have a good or ok relationship when they grow up. One of mutual respect.
Actually most important is u need to know if u able to accompany ur children if u have more kids and do u have time for them if u think u r not ready and feel tired I guess u might not consider to have another baby.. they do get lonely but if parents no time for both will be worse at least now one u have have time to keep him or her accompany but if two I guess will be too hectic since u have no time children need the right company then they will not be lonely... if imagine u r not free ur hubby not free and u got two children they can't get attention tat will be worse.. so seriously for me my hubby outstation only back once a year so am not considering of having another baby but I always find time to bring my baby out to have only US time so he knows tat I care and will always be there for him...
hi i am in ur situation so I can feel you..no helper and not staying w parents. don't intend to get helper too..and everyday feel quite tired to shuffle from work to home plus baby and housework. however I really do hope to give my baby a sibling in time to come..Maybe when he is a bit older..he is now 18 mths. I feel having a sibling means he can then share responsibilities with someone close and have someone to confide in when their parents (us) are old and sick. else I cannot imagine the load and stress on a single child. no one to discuss things w as well. bt that's just my point of view.
Its a personal choice and most of the time, I still love the idea of having one child. Less daunting to feed attention to both spouse and child, less expenses, more ME time without attending to kids all day. If times are not good or having any parenting difficulties, one of us still able to stay at home to watch over the household. No need to ask so much help from parents or maid. Most of them are pros to me for having only one child. Siblings definitely have its advantages but I can see myself spreading thin and forcing myself to work for the sake of money.
There is no right or wrong in having how many child or 1 child. It's up to your personal comfort and choice. I have friends who are happy and contented with one child. Their child are also happy as they get all the attention they want on themselves. Always place the current situation in mind first before planning for another kid. Don't let that additional kid affect the entire family situation.
Having the only child or more is up to you. Personally for me I wanted only 1. Afterwhich we were in between thinking if we should have another one. With that said, we decided to leave it to mother's nature. And yup we got a second child now. There pros a d cons la. But if you have 2kids and the age gap is closer, the '' suffering" will be over faster. My two cents. Do I make sense? Haha..
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