After thinking of the loss over and over I made up my mind to finally just put it out here. Yes, I had never experienced it in my life but mummies around me did. Few of my friends confided in me that they had just had miscarriages. Being a mum of one, hearing their devastating stories and witnessing them happening around me is never easy for me though. Being a nurse, many times I have held those little feets for a very long time. I’ve talked to them and told them their mommies and daddies were so sorry for losing them.
Miscarriage, isn’t really something we mention all the time. Something very common, yet very few people talk about it. It is not often discussed openly. In America the month of October has been proclaimed as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Unfortunately in Malaysia, the loss of a child is subterranean in our culture. There are untold numbers of women who never shared their struggles dealing with a miscarriage.
Last week, my mum told me that she still do miss my baby brother whom, she lost 30 years ago. Yes, she is a mother of three, but she is still grieving for the other ‘child’ is not known by anyone or acknowledged in any way. That moment I learned that, time doesn’t heal all wounds. It just puts more space between the times you remember the events that gave you these wounds. There are some hurts that never stop hurting, no matter how faded the scars I would welcome a way to acknowledge those children who didn’t make it to full term, as they have in their parents’ hearts. There are no words to even describe the emptiness, the heartbreak, or the soul-destroying pain that a mommy feels on a daily basis for what they are up to.
Weeks ago when my best friend celebrated her daughter’s first birthday, I couldn’t stop tearing when she mentioned about her lost pregnancy before. Can you imagine the whole crowd is celebrating the day and on the other side the mummy is still mourning for the loss she had 4years ago?
Just recently, I had someone closed to my heart experiencing the same pain. At the hospital, once the gynaecologist left the procedure room, I went in. I couldn’t stand the situation. I looked at the nurse who was there to assist us. The nurses rushed in to the utility room and brought me a tiny bundle. A perfect little boy with little hands and little toes. I could see tiny little baby hair forming. But there was no heartbeat. For such a small person, who only had a place in the world for the five months he was carried, he has brought so much love and is loved by so many people.
So, mummies out there, if you've experienced a miscarriage, remember that you are not alone. Just because it is not alive today, no one has the right to stop you from having an album full of ultra sound pictures of your baby. It’s still your baby that existed and mattered. It is ok if you feel helpless at times. It is ok if the physical toll is often overshadowed by the emotional toll when you talk about your baby to others. Share the burden of sorrow if you want to. It is not a personal failure. It is not an embarrassing issue or a sense of shame. We feel you..
Sending you a huge hug and lots of love to those who have lost pregnancies or miscarriage❤️