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Ma. Elena Mediavilla, Philippines

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Giới thiệu Ma. Elena Mediavilla

Taking it day by day with love, strength, and so much hope for what’s ahead. 🩵

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🌧️ Para sa’yo, Anak Kahit Pagod na si Nanay

Tahimik ako nitong mga araw na ‘to. Hindi dahil ayos lang ako… kundi dahil pagod na pagod na ako. Sa dami ng nangyayari, parang wala na akong mapagpahingahan, kahit ang sarili ko. Ang dami kong iniiyak sa loob, pero wala naman akong masabihan. Lahat kinikimkim ko na lang. Kasi feeling ko, kapag nagsalita ako, baka tuluyan na akong mabasag. Muntik na kitang mawala, anak. At nung nalaman kong nag-open na ang cervix ko, parang gumuho lahat. Tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung kasalanan ko ba, kung may pagkukulang ako. Tinanong ko kung karapat-dapat ba akong maging nanay mo. Kasi minsan hindi ko na rin kilala ang sarili ko. Sa dami kong pinagdaanan mga pagkakamali sa buhay. Hindi ako proud sa lahat ng desisyon ko. Pero alam mo, mula nung nalaman kong andyan ka sa loob ko, nagsimula akong gustuhin maging mabuting tao. Pasensya ka na, anak. Pasensya kung minsan parang pinanghihinaan ako ng loob. Pasensya kung ang mundo natin ngayon ay magulo, at ang dami kong sugat na hindi pa humihilom. Pero sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, pinipili ko pa ring lumaban. Para sa’yo. Pinangako ko sa sarili ko… gagawin ko ang lahat para hindi mo maramdaman ang lungkot at sakit na paulit-ulit kong tiniis. Bubuuin ko ang sarili ko, kahit paunti-unti, basta mabigyan lang kita ng tahimik at maayos na buhay. Mahal na mahal kita, anak. Kahit ngayon pa lang, buo na ang puso ko para sa’yo. Huwag kang bibitaw kay Nanay, ha? Lalaban tayo. Magkasama. 🩵

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Holding On With Hope 🩵

Pregnancy Update Currently on bed rest and under close observation after a little scare. It’s not the easiest season, but I’m holding on for myself and for this little life growing inside me. There are days that feel uncertain, but also filled with quiet strength, grace, and hope. Right now, I’m choosing to pause, breathe, and believe that everything is happening for a reason and that better, brighter days are ahead. To my fellow moms who are also going through something tough: you’re not alone. Your strength is valid, your fears are real, and your faith is more powerful than you think. Please send a little encouragement and prayer our way, and I’m sending all my love and strength back to each of you too. 🤍 #PregnancyJourney #MamaInProgress #HopefulHeart #BedRestButBrave #StrongerTogether

Holding On With Hope 🩵

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Para sa Aking Munting Pag-asa 🩵

Mahal kong anak, Ngayong sinusulat ko ito, ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigat sa dibdib ko. Pasensya ka na, anak. Pasensya kung ganito si Nanay ngayon, mahina, laging pagod, at mas maraming luha kaysa ngiti. Hindi ko rin minsan maintindihan ang sarili ko. Pero isa lang ang malinaw, hindi kita pinagsisisihan. Alam ko, nabuo ka sa hindi perpektong panahon at sa isang sitwasyong maraming tao ang hindi makakaintindi. Pero kahit ganoon, ikaw ang pinili ko. Masaya ako noong nalaman kong nabubuo ka sa loob ko. Masaya ako dahil may bunga ang pagmamahalan namin ng tatay mo, kahit pa ito’y hindi nagtagal gaya ng inaasahan. Sa totoo lang, anak, mahal ko ang tatay mo, mahal na mahal. Binigay ko ang lahat, at marahil, doon ako naging marupok. Pinangarap kong buo tayo, sabay ka naming hinintay at salubungin ka sa mundo. Pero hindi ganon ang nangyari. Iniwan ako ng realidad, at ngayon, mag-isa kong nilalabanan ang sakit. Hindi ko sinasadya na maging makasarili. Minsan inuuna ko ang sarili kong lungkot at sakit at nakakalimutan kong may isang maliit na buhay sa loob ko na tahimik lang na nangangailangan. Pasensya na, anak. Pero gusto kong malaman mo, ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit pilit pa rin akong lumalaban. Hindi pa kita nahahawakan pero mahal na mahal na kita. Ikaw ang liwanag sa lahat ng dilim na pinagdaraanan ko ngayon. At kahit hindi ko alam kung paano haharapin ang lahat, ipinapangako ko, gagawin ko ang lahat para sa’yo. Ipaglalaban kita, aalagaan kita, at mamahalin ko ang sarili ko, dahil kailangan mo ako. Alam ko rin na mahal ka ng tatay mo, pero magulo lang ang mundo niya ngayon. Kaya pinili ko munang lumayo, hindi para ipagkait ka, kundi para mas maprotektahan kita habang mahina pa si Nanay. Darating ang araw na magiging mas matatag ako, at mas maibibigay ko ang mundong nararapat sa’yo. Kaya anak, habang nandiyan ka sa loob ko, sana maramdaman mo kung gaano kita kamahal. Sana maramdaman mo na kahit lumuluha si Nanay, araw-araw niya pa ring pinipili na mabuhay, para sa’yo. Ikaw ang pag-asa ko. Ikaw ang dahilan ng lakas ko. Ikaw ang munting himala ko. Mahal na mahal kita, anak. At ipapangako ko sa sarili ko, hinding-hindi kita pababayaan. – Kay Nanay, na patuloy na lalaban para sa’yo 🌻

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You Made Me Live Again 🎶 Song by Janet Basco

I was down and out and feelin' so low You took my hand and eased my mind I was astray, you showed me the way And now I finally found my home in you I still recall the times I've been through Confused, didn't know what to do I almost gave up but you gave me hope You've made me strong as the days went on You made me live again I was lost in the dark With my lonely, broken heart Then you came along You took me home And made me your own You were always there to lend a helping hand When good friends were hard to find When things went wrong, you made them right You've made my days so bright You made me live again I was lost in the dark With my lonely, broken heart Then you came along You took me home And made me your own Now look at me Yes, a different me Back on my feet again I'm not afraid to face the world again 'Cause you taught me how to be strong You made me live again You made me live again

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Strong, But Scared 😔

Some days I feel okay, then suddenly everything feels heavy, like I could cry for no reason. Being pregnant has brought so many emotions I didn’t expect. Lately, I found out I have a low-lying placenta and I’ve been experiencing frequent brown discharge. It scares me. I try to stay strong, but honestly… I feel so alone sometimes. I haven’t told anyone, but I needed to let it out somewhere. 💔

Hello same po! Last ultrasound completely covering the uterus so pina bedrest. Ngayon “umakyat” na yung placenta and nawala na ang discharges. OB higher chance it will go up once you enter 18 weeks and above. I understand the overthinking

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Carrying Life, Carrying Faith 🩵

Pregnancy is often called a beautiful journey, and yeah, it really is. But what people don’t always say out loud is how heavy it can feel sometimes. Your body changes in ways you never thought possible. And your mind? It’s constantly running. Even the smallest cramp can send you into full-on worry mode. Is my baby okay? Did I do something wrong? Should I be concerned? It’s not just the physical tiredness, it’s the emotional and mental weight that sits with you every day. The overthinking. The what-ifs. The waiting. But in the middle of all that, one thing keeps me grounded: faith. When it all gets a little too much, I find myself going back to prayer. Nothing fancy, just a quiet moment between me and God. “Dear God, I lift up this little life growing inside me. Please continue to protect and nurture her. Keep her healthy and strong as she grows. And when the time comes, I pray for a safe delivery and a healthy baby in my arms. Amen.” That prayer has become part of my rhythm. It helps quiet the noise in my head. It reminds me that I don’t have to carry everything on my own. Because the One who’s really in control loves this baby, and me, more than I’ll ever fully understand. So for now, I breathe. I pray. I take it day by day. And every time I feel her little kicks, I remember: I’m not just carrying a baby. I’m carrying love, hope, and a whole new life. 🌻

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A Letter from My Heart 🩵

To my parents and to the father of my child, These days, I carry a heaviness inside me that’s difficult to explain. You are the people I love most, and yet it is because of you that I feel this overwhelming sadness in my heart. I want to be angry, but I can’t. Because the truth is, I love you deeply, and no amount of misunderstanding can ever change that. I know I’m far from perfect. I’ve made mistakes, and I’m still learning. But right now, everything feels so heavy and confusing. My mind is a mess, and my heart is even more so. With everything happening in my life, especially in this new chapter I’m about to face, I need you more than ever. Yet somehow, I feel so far away from you, because of the hurt I’ve been carrying inside. To my parents, I know I’ve disappointed you. I know I’ve caused pain, and that pain never leaves my heart. I feel your concern for me, and I know you only want the best. But sometimes the words you say, even if they come from love, cut me deeply. I’m sorry if I seem distant, and if it looks like I’ve hardened my heart. Truth is, this is just the only way I know how to look strong, so I won’t bother you with my burdens. But if you only knew how much I long for your comfort, for your embrace. I miss the feeling of being cared for. I am so tired, and all I want is to feel safe in your love again. Please forgive me if I’m not able to say this out loud. I need you, now more than ever. To the father of my child, If you only knew how much I love you and how much joy it brings me to carry the child we once dreamed of. I still remember how happy we were, imagining this future together, becoming parents, raising a child, building a life. But now, that joy is mixed with sorrow. Not because I don’t want this child, but because you’re not here the way I need you to be. Yes, you are physically present, but something between us has changed. And that’s what hurts the most. I feel like I’m facing this dream alone, something we once promised to do side by side. I want to blame you for the pain, I want to be angry at you for leaving me emotionally when I need your presence the most. But even in all that, I still wish for us to find our way back to peace. I pray that in time, I find healing, for the pain I feel, and for the distance that now exists between me and the people I hold dear. I hope the day will come when all this bitterness fades, when my heart can fully forgive, and when love can take its place again. Despite it all, I remain hopeful. I believe that things can still turn around, and that someday, we will all understand each other better. I pray for strength, not only for me but for all of us. Because soon, a little soul will come into this world, and I want to welcome that child with joy, love, and peace in my heart. I may be struggling now, but I am choosing to move forward with faith. I will keep hoping for better days, for reconciliation, for forgiveness, and for a brighter tomorrow. 🌻

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Breaking the Cycle with Love 🩵

I grew up hearing negative words from my mother, and even now, I still remember them. I never heard sincere compliments, only harsh complaints. Now that I’m a grown woman, I’ve come to realize that the problem was never truly me. She introduced me to a false version of myself, and it made me question my own worth. I went through a lot of emotional pain because of it. But I’ve worked hard to heal, to overcome, and to remind myself that I am more than what she made me believe. I’ve come to understand that her words were a reflection of her own personal insecurities, burdens she couldn’t carry, so she projected them onto me. Honestly, it hurt to be treated that way. But I chose to rise above it and be the bigger person. She’s human, she’s not perfect, and she’s still my mother. So I choose to forgive her and love her unconditionally. Now that I’m about to become a mother myself, I admit I’m afraid. I worry about how I’ll raise my child in the best way possible. I don’t want my child to grow up with the same painful experiences I had. While those hardships made me stronger, I never want my child to be hurt by me, especially not by the very person meant to protect and love them the most. I want to be my child’s safe place. I want them to run to me when something’s wrong, and face life with me by their side. I want them to feel deeply loved and valued, to know they always have someone on their side, no matter what life brings. As I carry the weight of my past, I also carry the hope for a better future, for myself and for my child. I may not have received the kind of love I longed for growing up, but I now have the chance to give it fully, freely, and without condition. I am choosing healing over hurt, love over resentment, and growth over pain. This is how the cycle ends, with me. And this is how a new story begins, with love. 🌻

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Sobrang nakakapagod na.. 😔

Bakit ganito? Pagod na pagod na ako. Pagod na kong umiyak, pero hindi ko rin mapigilan. Lalo na sa gabi, kapag mag-isa na lang ako, roon bumabalik lahat. Ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko, ang daming tanong, ang daming sakit. Alam kong hindi ito nakakabuti, lalo na sa kalagayan ko at sa batang dinadala ko. Pero sa ngayon, pag-iyak lang ang tanging paraan ko para mailabas lahat ng bigat na nararamdaman ko. Ito lang ang alam kong paraan para kahit papaano, gumaan kahit kaunti ang dibdib ko.

sending hugs mami 🤗

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To Myself, and to the Little Life Inside Me 🩵

I know you’re tired. I know how heavy everything feels right now. You’ve cried silently behind smiles, carried wounds while trying to stay strong, and faced days when getting out of bed felt like a battle. But despite all of that, you’re still here. Still standing. Still fighting. To my baby, growing quietly inside me. You don’t even know it yet, but you’ve already saved me in so many ways. In the middle of all the chaos, you remind me that something beautiful can still grow from brokenness. You are not a mistake. You are not a burden. You are a miracle. I may be scared. I may feel alone at times. But I promise you, I will not give up. I will love you with all that I have, and even in moments when I feel unsure or afraid, I will choose you, again and again. To myself, you have made mistakes. You’ve loved the wrong person. You’ve carried guilt that wasn’t all yours to carry. But you are not defined by your past. You are not your pain. You are not weak. You are healing. You deserve peace. You deserve kindness. You deserve the chance to forgive yourself and begin again. This is not the ending. This is a turning point. One day, when the world feels brighter and you hold your baby in your arms, you’ll look back and realize: you were always enough. You are enough. And you are already everything your baby needs. 🌻

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