R/s with hubby

Definitely postpartum. Especially with the extra frustrations from lack of sleep due to pumping and trying to learn how to revolve around a little human. Fighting is inevitable if your husband is not hands on enough to share your load. And also because we all have different ways and perspective on how to take care of baby, it gets even worse. For now, I would advise you to take care of yourself (be it mentally/physically) first, only when you’re cool and calm enough then you can see and think things differently. Don’t go and think of what hasn’t happen yet, who knows he may turn out to be a very handson daddy and hubby! Guys are very slow witted, you have to tell them what to do. Sometimes it’s not that they don’t want to do it (they probably don’t even know you’re angry btw), but they work on a “switch” mode. So if you want him to help, talk to him, assign task. Let him know you prefer him to be a team player when baby is out (let him know the things you want him to help). However, if you’re referring to after telling him and he is not willing to help then it’s a different thing. We fought a lot even before pregnancy because both of our character is “we won’t give way” which led to many many arguments. Subsequenly we just talk it out because we don’t want to keep fighting infront of baby. Communication and tone is very important. Don’t let your emotions overpower you.

Communication and Understanding was the most difficult thing I felt so that's basically daily necessity. We went to Singapore Counciling Centre and get it sort out. My husband learnt to see things from a different perspective though he now says counselor will only side with the ladies. 😅 - Was my husband not ready? yes, play games all the time, 0 communication after dinner - Was my husband hands on during postpartum? No, he reasoned that since there is confinement lady, why need his help? that is the purpose of paying for confinement lady wat - did I get postpartum massage? No and my blocked milk duct was so bad, my boobs were hard as rock. my milk supply went to 20ml. can you believe it? and my mil exclaimed "huh so little ah" I cried. i decided to spend on myself on self care and paid for tummy massage. too late for that but it did help a tiny bit I feel I think Pregnancy and postpartum does make our emotions 10x worse. but remember, your family, your friends are there. Talk to them too and just let it out, cry it out and I pray that you will feel better in no time.

After u give birth, you will quarrel more often. It happened to myself. I had postpartum depression I cried every single day for almost 3 Months. BF make me traumatize. I cant it so I stop at 3 months. Imagine when you need to pump for almost 1 hours and you need to feed your baby almost 2 hours by yourself every single day. My hubby the one can’t stay up late. I have no choice need to do by myself every night. And the way we handle our baby is also different. He insists to use his way. He is very kanchiong person and I more relax. Super protective, my parents kiss my baby also don’t like. My parents carry her not properly like inside the book also will complain. This small2 thing will make you quarrel.

After giving birth was when my hubby and I had more arguments or rather he got scolded by me a lot more. It's hormones plus stress and lack of sleep. My husband is very laidback and passive. Have to ask him before he will do something plus he spends a lot of his free time playing games but it got better with time. Communication is key and I agree don't let emotions get in the way. Remember that it's a learning experience for both you and your husband and some guys are not as hands on as others. Most importantly, he should be willing to adapt and make changes after an argument.

For me I find reduced mobility in trimester 3 difficult as a “single” mom. A familiar feeling in first pregnancy as well. I don’t really argue with my husband and more of treat him as transparent. Ask for help many will say, but if they don’t care and is immature, the process of disappointment and frustration is more damaging emotionally. Try to reduce ur expectations and strengthen back-up support - get help (maid/confinement/home massages/join forum) etc to reduce dependency. If arguing doesn’t change the outcome, preserve ur peace.

I find that the stage is pregnancy is definitely tough but after you have your first baby even tougher! Wells, have to talk things out and things will get better. Get him involved by helping you with household chores or take stuffs for you (like now you can’t bend etc). Hope things will get better. Have a chat with him also to manage expectations like what life would be like once baby is here.

You will def “fight” more when baby comes, it’ll be gd to communicate more now and lay down expectations and duties etc. raising a child is super hard work and there’ll def be clashes made worse by the fact that you’re so tired as well. Just as long as you both agree that you’re both in this for the long run and are willing to fight it together.

The feeling of him not being with us enough, prioritising his work before us. Maybe he didn’t mean it or maybe it’s just me overthinking but that’s how I feel. Newborn stage is tough and I was mentally crushed. Took some time to slowly regain myself.

Talk to him about this, see if he can help or not My husband is not hands on so I keep reminding him, as n when I let him do the diapering and showering too