What is the most painful thing you have gone through in parenthood?

Breastfeeding journey can be painful if there is no support. During no1, so many negatives, that i have to be super hardworking to show them i have milk for her. It's a smooth journey but feel with lots of negative attacks. While no2, no one stress you, i have lots of unwanted fever due to milk clots that i never clear properly and trying to clear it away badly. A up and down journey but satisfied with the outcome that i manage to feed till 1 year old! There is once, i had it super badly, my elder girl is down with high fever, ulcer, and need to hospitalized, i need to accompany her and worried about the small brother at home. And when she recover, i start to have fever, and the small brother start to have fever too. Both of us having high fever together. I can't rest as i have to make sure the small brother is settle first. Letting him latch for comfort, and i need him to clear some breastmilk for me too. As i'm also too sick to pump often, fever 40 degree same as the small brother. Although everyone say when your little ones is down, i hope to be sick so i can produce more antibodies for him, but if you seriously down with high fever, you will wish, you can recover soon, so you can have the energy to look and coax him. That period, i really feel bad, as i'm too weak to coax and accompany him whole day, that i need GMIL to look after him. And i know he want me more instead. Whenever GMIL cannot manage to sooth him, i will take over, and easy sooth him. I pray nothing serious happen again, so no one need to be hospitalized again. Other than this, is my hubby don't really help out. - He just let the kids cry after i ask him look after them while i go bath. - No initiative of helping to look after the kids. - He will play with them but for that few minutes. - If go out, if we go fishing he will he happy of course, but i will be super tired, as once my kids get boring i have to find my ways to entertain them till he fish finish. If go to where we want, he say we treat him a s servant or slave. It can cause me to go crazy if i don't have patience with my own kids. Thankfully i really love kids, especially they are my kids so i can overcome it. So i always tell myself, for the kids, endure!