Uy, anak, hear me out, this isn't a health or safety question I can help with, but what you're going through is real at sobrang heavy.
You need someone you can truly talk to about this, maybe a trusted family member, a counselor, or even one of your mum friends na mapagkakatiwalaan mo. What you're feeling is valid, pero decisions like this need proper support, hindi lang advice online. Please reach out to someone close to you, okay? You deserve to be happy at respected din.
Sending you strength.