You must be feeling a sense of insecurity, after seeing your husband contact other ladies. It's perfectly natural, but at the same time, it's not healthy in marriage that he maintains such behaviour while you go through this constant lack of trust in him. I speak for marriage, as I'm a firm believer of working and sustainable marriage. It's unfortunate that everybody enters into marriage being broken. We humans are broken. It's just what we are. You will have flaws and so will I. I can sense that you still have a tinge of hope in your husband and marriage. If you're willing to ask, "how to trust ... again?", you are looking for that hope. It is going to be difficult for me to ask you to find the courage to take time to understand him better. After all the pain you are going through, it's going to take a bull's courage for you to do it. I hope you will put aside your concerns for a short 30 minutes and focus intensely on him, just him, as if you are a Samaritan trying to help another human. Take the time to find the underlying cause for his behaviour. Find out his difficulty in ceasing contacts with unhealthy third-parties. Is he having insecurity himself? Is it that the circle of contacts validates him as a good man? As wife, take the time to understand your man. Man wants to be looked up for and respected. He might be looking for it in the wrong places. If he is, take up the strength to create that kind of environment, so that he doesn't need to look for it. He has it whenever he is home, with you. No, you are not babysitting your husband. You are his lover, who so happens to be another broken human being. The next thing is to find a marriage counselor, or a neutral couple who is at least 10 years in marriage. You cannot keep going trying to love your husband without your husband loving you correctly. You also want to be loved. Have a counselor that is able to share with him, how to be a great husband specifically for you. Your marriage is far from being the worst, as far as I can see from this forum who often speaks of their troubles. For a man to admit that he has issues, there is plenty of hope. There is a great deal of hope in your marriage. It will take lots of work, no doubt. Persevere! Slowly move your man to greatness. May God be your guiding light as you speak with courage and love to him.
i understand how you feel. i was in that shoes before. my husband will talk to women. getting another phone and changed his name. even go out drink drunk vomitted. now he has affair with his own colleague. keep saying he love me. to be frank. i dont trust him. my husband even abused me. he left the house and stay with that women and never come home. its been a year plus. i hv decided that to end this marriage because there is no meaning. moreover, he has lied and i hv trust to forgive him. but then a leopard spots will never changed. i let it go. my divource will be anytime. i f*** care him. do wat ever he wants.
Personally, I feel to trust again, u need to truly forgive what he has done in the past. Do not accumulate resentment. Tell him u want to move on and start afresh with him. Both of u should work tog and start everything on a clean slate. See a counsellor. On his end, if he truly wants to work things out and gain your trust and respect again, ask him to make a deliberate effort by removing all traces of “vices” or things that make you feel uncomfortable. Both of you must work together on this.
I had an ex who did exactly that. I genuinely believe a leopard cannot change his spots. I think you are better off without Him. Wish I had some other advice but seriously this is too much. After got caught can still dare behave like this? Definitely don’t deserve your forgiveness. For your Daughter sake hope you are strong.
I also think he may not change. To be honest, I think he may need some help in the form of therapy. If you really want to stuck by him, maybe ask him to consider getting help.