I think, the best way to maintain one's peace of mind is to let children do the things their own way. If your child's way of doing a particular thing is not very messy or serves the purpose of completion, let him/her carry on. Kids have this inherent nature of not doing the things that they are told. And if you are those prim and proper kinds, then instead of forcing your child into doing something, engage with him. Make it an activity, where you too are a partner. Say, for example, if his colours are al scattered, tell him, "Come on, let us together clear the mess. And one who will pick the most colours will win or get a cookie or a hug." So, don't make him feel that he is the only one who is working, work with him, and eventually, as he would grow, he would know that he should clear the mess or keep his toys back and things alike.
I would never force kids do things my way if I know they're not being unreasonable. You should really try and be patient with your kid as annoyance makes them even more testing. For example, if my kid goes around throwing objects in the house, I either don't pay attention to it or pick the objects myself without asking her to do so. A little later she rushes back wanting to help mommy clean up. Eating is an issue sometimes when I want her to eat something and she refuses. I have realized the trick is to not ask her to eat and leave a plate for her. She comes on her own and gobbles up everything. I agree parenting can be testing at times but just hang in there :)
The more you force a child to do things your way, the more defiant it will be! You need to set a certain rules for certain things, instead of yelling at them talk to them and tell them why you want them to do that particular thing that particular way. Be patient and calm.
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